early evenings

the darkness comes early

lasts longer than light

the cold's in the bones

there's no will to fight

the waiting seems endless

with false hopes and turns

when finally you grasp it

it no longer burns

'tween shadow and starlight

you can't find your breath

the glow of the sunrise

like waking from death

the sunshine breaks through

the golden leaves shine

for a moment you're lost

for a moment you're mine

but mostly the clouds

grey and heavy with rain

pour lead in your soul

sound an endless refrain

is the thing that you long

worth the price that you pay

can you live with the cost

at the end of the day

when the ache overwhelms

and you've nowhere to go

i'm holding out hope

where the rain turns to snow

so blow on that flame

when the night is too long

wrap your love with a bow

i'll come to your song

the turning time

there's an aspen on my street

unusual at these heights

so near the sea

it stands tall and proud

a stranger in a strange land

of maples and ginkgo and dogwoods

all summer i watch the breeze

dance gaily through the leaves

singing a sighing song

of rocky mountains far away

still green and lush they wave

while distant cousins grow pale

and drift down in silent splendor

to the frozen ground

each year i think i'll watch

as green turns into gold

see the sap draw back the life

bury deep the hope of spring

year after year i wake

one day at the turning time

to a sudden flame of yellow 

as if overnight the leaves changed

but this year it's different

the tips away up high

begin the glowing journey

i see the progression coming

as winter soon draws nigh

it's fall again

will you come with me past the old oak tree

where the shivering aspen stand

when the frosty breeze stirs up the leaves

we can walk together hand in hand

as the shadows grow there are things you know

that I long to hear spoken softly

let the dying day whisk your cares away

give your heart to me so freely

it's the time of year when the end is near

and your soul feels the weight of time

with a dying grace and a warm embrace

we can find the sad sublime

the leaves that fall from the trees so tall

tell of glories that are past

of long summer days far from winter's gaze

and the shadows that it casts

I wonder still when I feel the chill

how my heart can thrill with pain

thinking of your smile that you shared awhile

though you never come again

in this season's change with its weather range

my emotions ebb and flow

and though lonely now I find hope somehow

something buried deep will grow

walk with me

sometimes the way is damp

although the stream is dry

and when I hope for some kind word

the people pass me by

the trees that shade the sun

breathe chillness in the air

and though I long for warmer days

fall's coming everywhere

when down the path I ran

you lagged a ways behind

but when I slowed you sped ahead

what did you have in mind

the faces through the years

some stay while others go 

if winter's frost were tempered down

they could relax I know

the road can stretch for miles

so lonely is the way

my steps don't match the friends I've had

and I've no place to stay

but in the stillness deep

the whisper still can come

the narrow path is worth the risk

the ending lies at home

solitary song

i turned a corner suddenly

the streetlight wasn't there

i listened as the summer breeze

spoke laughter in my ear

not knowing that the hours past

were full of empty toil

when winter winds come soon

the autumn fruit to spoil

year on year of working

a quest for wealth or fame

days not worth remembering

and they forgot my name

i looked in vain for glowing

to see the way to take

my path is not so clear

the choice is mine to make

the keys beneath my fingers

a lonesome song do sing

the words a melody

that means a different thing

i play alone in darkness

obscurity my friend

and sometimes hear the whisper

of how my story ends

blue day sunshine

it's summer now

the bee proclaims

as lazily he flits

from blade of grass

to flower bright

and all the bluebirds sing

the robin finds

a tasty worm

as tender berries ripen

the hummingbird

sips nectar sweet

with wings as fast as lightning

I drink it in

the long warm days

that whisper endless idylls

the nights of dreams

what-might-have-beens

that fade away by morning

but in the wind 

I sense a note

this moment cannot last

the days grow short

midsummer's past

and winter's round the corner

why is it so

in joyful times

my heart a shadow feels

though sunlight's strong

and breezes sweet

I cannot rest for long

it's summer now

the bee proclaims

yet in my eyes is fall

the rain that comes

the winter brings

and all the birds are gone

the darkest time of year

the birds flee swift 

their sights on sun

the trees shiver bare

their leaves all gone 

to dens beasts shuffle 

and sleep til spring 

my blood runs cold 

at what long nights bring 

I raise my arms

and stretch a strand

small fragile bulbs

from out my hand 

such weak defence 

against a foe

who gobbles day

and makes light go

those twinkling sparks 

remind my heart 

that though it seems 

like all is dark 

time will fly on

and in the end 

the dawn returns 

to rise again 

anon

your face across the crowded room

unexpectedly there

a peaceful walk among the trees

where I expected storms

my heart leaps I move to greet

a thought stops me anon

I am mistaken

like the warm sun on my face

comforting like a lazy summer day

until the chill autumn winds

belie its pleasant dream

something in a stranger's eyes

the echo of your gaze

I miss you

could I stop the shortening days

the mix of love and loss

season following empty season

without you near to me

my smile like fading daylight

greets each passing visage

masking lingering heartache

as years stretch on and on

turning time

I sat outside your window 

and hoped the light would glow 

without a cry

life’s passing by

and like the day it goes 

through winter’s silent hours 

and spring’s precocious way

my heart has ached 

as if she’d break 

to know what you would say 

the zephyr warmed my face 

as summer ushered in 

long days of fun 

beneath the sun 

before fall rains begin 

each season keeps on passing 

like seaweed on the sea 

beneath the crash 

that’s roaring past 

my heart longs just to be 

I know it’s not forever 

as moments pass me by 

I’ll shed a tear

but stay right here 

you’ll someday heed my cry

the window near my head

will finally open wide 

I’ll see your face 

feel your embrace 

and know that peace inside 

so though the shade is down 

as nighttime follows day

incline your ear

and reappear 

to drive the dark away 

the journey’s end

From chilly grey Pacific waters the sand dollar emerged five weeks ago. Under sunny skies north of the 45th parallel it began its journey, riding long miles as summer gave way to autumn. It rode alongside rivers like the Snake cascading west, destined to join the vast sea it once called home, until it crested the great continental divide and saw the mighty Missouri and Mississippi flowing with others towards the sunrise. From dramatic rock outcroppings to endless rolling plains, it traversed the diverse land called United. Delving hundreds of feet underground it experienced the moist tunnels of the world’s longest cave system. Further on it climbed high in the Smokies and saw mile after mile of rolling green and blue mountains, so different from the snowcapped volcanic peaks near its coastal home. On a balmy October morning it finally embraced brilliant warm aqua waves, being swept out to the other shining sea in one final climactic moment—the poetic end of the journey of an imperfect sand dollar.

the path narrows

aspens maples dying in a blaze of colour

the air biting through my windbreaker

early nights serenaded by falling rain

past dusky sunsets until misty mornings

faces turned upward to the sunlight

elusive and gentle through the clouds

as leaves fly before temperamental winds

i stumble down the path each solitary day

as sunbreaks follow chilly nights again

each day losing the battle against the dark

the window of daylight narrowing

as i smell the acrid scent of death

but around the way a sight appears

autumn crocus in lavender and white

a carpet of colour in the brownscape

laughing in life in the face of decay

and hope wells up in the straitness

though my limbs be weighed down

though the mist clouds my eyes

i will dance again in the dawning

when the narrow path ends

when it rains

i'm not ready this year for the silver drops

caught between a summer to forget and

falling into a complicated tomorrow

all the dying that wells up like puddles

between the muddy tracks of life lived

without enough jars to hold the dreams

it's pouring down whatever i think so i

simply listen to the splash as shards

today's arrows attacking what was

screaming what is rather than could be

i pull the covers up almost over my head

is this crazy world really what has come

does a graceful way to tap out remain

or must i find a way to dig in damp soil

take the present tense and make it new

no reserves no retreats no regrets

a new level of living beyond skin-deep

how it tears the blood to find the way

each wet splash reminds me that it comes

watering the ground bringing change

death rearranges in the dark but life will come

if i can find the hope to not remain alone

a frosty morn

silver threads of frost snake across the shiny boards

as wan sunshine fails to warm the chilly air and i

gaze in wonder at a world gone south leaving these

the barren northern faces stripped of green life alone

time itself pausing as if to allow bereft hearts a pause

grieving comes in waves even after years a sharp pang

the dying season as leaves fall in glorious agony heaps

souls mourn what was what could have been and always

what never will be

a trickle of melting ice sparkles bravely in the sunshine

cascading down to water the crusty waiting earth and i

ponder seeds laid down again in hope of balmy breezes

a sweeter time to come when thoughts turn to love 

although the arctic fingers slip up around my throat

whispering of darker days to come and storms yet

this season too must pass when sorrow that endures

finds a shout of joy with the dawn and what will be

will ever be

hazy days

diffused rays on a lazy summer sun day bathe the world in sepia tones that soothe and deceptively calm the gaze that belies the voracious cause until i breathe deeply and choke on a thousand embers ashy haze of trees and houses and wildflowers
turned to blackened
dust and clogs the
lungs with never-
mores and can-
not-bes until i
shut the door and
pray for autumn
rains to clean the
air and wash the
last summer days
into falling mist

thoughts on falling

on a day when the sun whirled in the sky with joy i took a long Wandern on the hill above where i currently lay my head. vineyards roll along the southern side like a net, catching the happy sun and turning its rays into juice. it's definitely fall, late october even, yet the strength of the sun warranted no jacket and i felt pleasantly warmed, except when a shadow crossed my path and the breeze which before felt refreshing revealed its chill underside that whispered of snows to come.
at moments the beauty of the red leaves dancing in the sunlight took my breath away and as i contemplated such display it gave me pause to remember that their beauty came only through dying. these leaves, most of the year green and strong, burst forth in vibrant hues for perhaps only days before they detach and fall to the ground.
falling, dying, beauty.
there comes this release, this falling in dying. i once heard that if you dream you are falling and you don't wake before you hit the bottom it means you died. true or not, dying involves letting go of the fight to live, the right to control my breathing moments. but this is not merely physical death for me. no, i choose daily to let go of this right. to recognize that Someone--the One--truly carries me and i no longer live in the sense that this grasping, dead world demands. and in that death--so, so unlike the end of this earthly life--is such beauty that it takes my breath away as much as those dying leaves. i am falling, every day, in every uncertain moment, and yet i know Who will catch me.