Midsummer

the longest day of the year

is past

the sun has come and gone

at last

spring's flowers fade in summer's 

gleam

and autumn's leaves shall soon

be seen

the blazing heat belies

the chill

the waning days softly

foretell

another year is dying 

slow

how many more i do

not know

the future with its rosy

hue

is full of things that i

must do

tomorrow soon becomes

today

and then my change has gone

away

the years pile up instead

of dreams

and all the ghosts of might-

have-beens

the garment of the life 

i wear

is full of holes and so

threadbare

my thoughts are like the crows

outside

so loud with things i might 

have tried

the years behind are like 

this day

an echo of what cannot 

stay

and so i bid the sun 

adieu

to God the past make all 

things new

shuffle step

I saw an old man walking

his shoulders softly drooping

the shuffle step

the weight of years

the questions never pausing

I gazed at him unseen

though rough his steps not stopping

from where he came

to where he goes

I knew I'd never know

Has time to him been kind

do memories haunt his way

of faces gone

what might have been

I mused on possibilities

He might have stayed indoors

decaying by the fire

yet on the eve

of death's new day

he chose to soldier on

Perhaps in hime I see

the path we all may tread

each day a chance

to venture forth

and see what lies ahead

lock the door

the years stretch out 

i close the door

another task 

another chore

five years past and gone

maybe more

have i lost myself

in the mundane

the strong bolt turns 

pin tumblers slick

i think of nothing

that's the trick

to still the thoughts

that poke and prick

and keep me safe

from the truth

if i can forget

tomorrow won't come

where all the hopes

and fears are from

and all the things

i haven't done

might slowly and softly

creep away

another year passes

lines on my face grey in my hair

the years they pass quickly

forgetting more than i recall

i'm still not sure i will be

we live each day in clouds

pausing not to remember

how far how long the journey is

the account someday to render

inside i'm not as far along

with more behind than to come

if not for these failing bones

that tell the story of all i've done

fears and hopes failures too

the years bring these and more

to run to rest to soldier on

with eyes on what's in store

becoming me success eludes

as lonely grows the way

it matters not if i get there soon

but i must arrive today

orphan thoughts

i hold a small life in my hands

it moves, it breathes, it purrs

its days are numbered this is one

as it runs to two i think of others

this winter season ending time

a parent lost a loved one gone

a moving breathing life silent

just as i was once held

the arms that hold me hold no longer

though you may become the one

who holds the small beating life

you are never ready to be an orphan

when you can no longer nestle

find security in a strong embrace

the sun still shines and the day is three

counting down to eternity

i hold the little fur ball closer

four of how many days are past

i grasp life in this fleeting moment

as Dillard ironically noted

instead of holding on to rocks

my orphan heart seeks others

small lives to snuggle close

until the day is done

it's fall again

will you come with me past the old oak tree

where the shivering aspen stand

when the frosty breeze stirs up the leaves

we can walk together hand in hand

as the shadows grow there are things you know

that I long to hear spoken softly

let the dying day whisk your cares away

give your heart to me so freely

it's the time of year when the end is near

and your soul feels the weight of time

with a dying grace and a warm embrace

we can find the sad sublime

the leaves that fall from the trees so tall

tell of glories that are past

of long summer days far from winter's gaze

and the shadows that it casts

I wonder still when I feel the chill

how my heart can thrill with pain

thinking of your smile that you shared awhile

though you never come again

in this season's change with its weather range

my emotions ebb and flow

and though lonely now I find hope somehow

something buried deep will grow

periphery

it's hiding just outside

the limits of my view

I'm sensing but not seeing

like something I forgot

but never quite remembered

I grasp at aural light

concretely insubstantial

I wake with vague discomfort

false scenes disturb my rest

these moments never happened

left emotions strongly felt

if I went right the way was left

and so I doubt my path

a million tiny options gnaw

it's not regret I whisper soft

insidious voice is more

what ifs pristine and white

cloud castles in the air

like stories shortened early

they might have ended well

instead of endless epics

that tell of failures vast

I wish when lights are dim

this feeling I could shake

accept my lot the one I chose

and leave the rest to God

solitary song

i turned a corner suddenly

the streetlight wasn't there

i listened as the summer breeze

spoke laughter in my ear

not knowing that the hours past

were full of empty toil

when winter winds come soon

the autumn fruit to spoil

year on year of working

a quest for wealth or fame

days not worth remembering

and they forgot my name

i looked in vain for glowing

to see the way to take

my path is not so clear

the choice is mine to make

the keys beneath my fingers

a lonesome song do sing

the words a melody

that means a different thing

i play alone in darkness

obscurity my friend

and sometimes hear the whisper

of how my story ends

uncertain times

pieces of color patched together

noises and horns distracting voices

things i forgot to do

the morning is over the day almost gone

maybe tomorrow something will come

i'll remember what

items in order on small scraps of paper

litter the table and fill up the basket

lists i should get done

thirty seconds a drop and another one passes

videos of humour and other folk's lives

maybe i can skip that

closing my eyes as the summer sun sets

wondering if the road leads anywhere soon

i'd like to know

empty long days interspersed with flashes

moments of beauty i'm caught unawares

somehow i'll make it

folding my fingers to see just a glimpse

perspective beyond these restless hours

i'm almost there

maybe what lasts isn't measured by numbers

currency of legacy in different weights

things i hope to see

feeling the heavy settle into my chest

while lightly i tread through uncertainty

now i'm letting go

Adieu St Stephens

the winter sun glows kindly

through coloured windows soft

panes testify to ages past

130 winter suns come and gone

the dust shivers on sturdy beams

as the organ plays one last song

temporary braces still standing strong

as voices pass into memories

who will remember the passion

pews retired to halls and gardens

partitioned rooms where choirs sang

altars whisper of vows forgotten

the eve of the end casts shadows

can an empty space hold pain

once full of hope and life

now reduced to begging favours

the door shuts slowly firmly

what fills one and not another

keep the lamp stand in the midst

bring your first love home

this new year

it sits like a blank page before me

this new year

hopes and fears are in the wings

shrouded by mist

a thousand options crowd my way

where will I go

the path I take is hidden now

someday seen

I waver between joy and dread

what comes next

many years have come and gone

a mixed bag

I take up my pen to write the start

this new day

come triumph or tragedy I know

not alone

the deep moment

who knows the light 

that fills your eyes 

when through the trees 

by moon surprised

or how the lines

that grace your lips 

grow deeper as

each cup you sip

whose voice can wake

your sleeping soul 

or make you laugh 

without control 

who hears you when 

the day is done 

the ups and downs 

the race you’ve run 

the shallow steps 

you take each day 

add up to much 

deep in your way

who finds you there 

and holds you close 

content to be 

who loves you most 

scars

my finger traces the lines 

broken flesh sewn together

signs of healing never forgotten

no longer smooth

skin once soft and supple

now split by a jagged line

interrupted peace roughly torn

but stronger now

a bit of broken glass

a curious toddler's reach

now a white streak on a pink palm

remember when

longer wider shows one

tracing the shoulder blade straight

marks of a surgeon's skill and care

diseases battled

hidden from my keen touch

deeper lie the unseen breaks

whispered words that burn like fire

just yesterday

I marvel looking close

between the cracks I see now

a light come shining through my scars

becoming glory

anon

your face across the crowded room

unexpectedly there

a peaceful walk among the trees

where I expected storms

my heart leaps I move to greet

a thought stops me anon

I am mistaken

like the warm sun on my face

comforting like a lazy summer day

until the chill autumn winds

belie its pleasant dream

something in a stranger's eyes

the echo of your gaze

I miss you

could I stop the shortening days

the mix of love and loss

season following empty season

without you near to me

my smile like fading daylight

greets each passing visage

masking lingering heartache

as years stretch on and on

early blooms

each petal like a drop of blood 

floats gently on the surface 

rocking to a silent song 

in water’s soft embrace 

the edges brown as moments pass 

death steals the bright away 

and though the sun shines bravely on 

the sky begins to grey 

alighting on one rusting drop

a bumblebee reposes

until the weight tips the scales 

and the water overflows it

one by one through time and chance 

the liquid conquers all

‘til all that stays are memories 

of a blossom that did fall 

from sea to shining sea

Yesterday the Pacific sea left a sand dollar, not quite round, resting on the sands of the Oregon coast. Here begins its journey, where golden beaches lapped by ice-blue waters give way to towering tree-lined cliffs. In the coming forty days it will traverse the expansive nation from state to state, the journey of an imperfect sand dollar. What adventures will it find along the way before it comes to rest on the shores of the Atlantic? The empty shell of a life that’s past, will it find a new existence in faces full of memories? All the while its simple beauty may bring a smile to hearts far and near.

The journey begins…

down the trail

the shadows are deep on the path ahead 

no voices are heard in the deep midday gloom 

but I press on for the trail must be traveled 

the narrow steps forward between me and home 

I hear not a sound save the hum of a fly and 

the scent of pine needles tickles my nose 

I drink in the forest enjoying the cool 

of the tall prickly sentinels that hush 

the brash sunshine before me behind me 

the way twists and turns and trees without number 

march mile upon mile as mind mind flits far 

I shiver a moment and sidestep some scat 

wondering now how solo I am really 

could the trunks become glass how near 

would I see that cougar or that bear observing 

my way then a breeze comes again just a sigh 

like an echo I remember the shadows 

so like the veil and could all fade away 

alone I would never be

hindsight

at just this moment a light comes at once 

bursting and soft from the corner of my eye 

obstructing my view and between yesterday 

and always i can see right now with clarity 

beyond tomorrow with all the what ifs and 

maybes floating down like the house of cards 

they are as in wonder i glimpse what lay down 

the fork in the road knowing the dark thorns of 

heartache and loss grew there as sure as if 

i had walked it though i chose the other way 

that i thought might be forsaken and at this 

same moment i find it was actually paved 

with roses and i find gratitude arising for 

the wounds i did receive that brought growth 

and no regrets and while i miss some of the 

yesterdays i know always is close and i wrap 

right now around me as i lift my hands to the light

June Gloom

the longest day and a year half over

a chill down my spine

like the echo of December wind

as hopes become dreams

help my unbelief

the wet blanket of marine air

dampening activity

shutting summer down

so many wishes blown out in joy

grumbling gratitude

rose petals and cottonwood down

a carpet of dying comfort

plentiful food tipping the scale

as guilt rides in on the insulin rush

my thoughts multiply

July crashes in with pyrotechnics

the beginning of the end in denial

distracted by a kaleidoscope of colour

until the gloom of June fades

like a cloud of witnesses

gazing into a blue sky of forgetfulness 

the light intoxicates with clarity

an inexorable change like the grim reaper

rides on the smell of woodsmoke

remember me

in the sunlight

i've never counted life in years

moments like pearls on a strand

time doesn't pass it lingers

alive in each encounter i hold

fully here yet missing in a memory

i wander with eyes wide shut

looking around the next corner

for something i lost but never had

surrounded in the sunshine with wings

a thousand butterflies on fire

my life is a story someone is telling

the next page will not turn

i must await the reader's cue

so much glorious heartbreak in a word

ahead the light is shining brightly

the next moment will be silver-lined