29 December 2020

time and tide

you built sandcastles

though we never made it to the sea

fantastical dream palaces

I decorated with driftwood

pieces of feathered hopes and rocky dreams

a dash of seaweed possibilities

the ocean echoed with joy

a royal fanfare chorus

and the sun smiled down


until the tide came in

I watched the castles dissolve

in an instant as if they'd never been

you went away too

leaving barely a ripple in your wake

I shook my head with dry eyes

perhaps you meant more

than I would care to admit

as the waves keep breaking

26 December 2020

the choice once more

time and again I watched you walk away

though you wore a different face

the message was the same

friend, lover, family, foe

you shook your head and went

and I was left alone

I see it in your eyes each time

the wrestle to believe

I stretch my arms a little wider

and will you not to go

I know I'm an eagle

in a world of ostriches

but you could fly too

choose to embrace the heart I offer

know it wants His best

He'll catch us when we stumble

a thousand scars testify

the only unbearable thing

is if you decide not to love

as broken as I feel I won't relent

each new face holds hope

I'll consider my heart well-spent 

19 December 2020

Advent 4: Shine

The last Sunday of Advent is here. It's also the darkest Sunday of the year for the northern hemisphere. The sun doesn't even grace the sky for nine hours north of the 45th parallel. We go to work by streetlight and come home the same, missing sunrise and sunset equally. This year the absence of light seems telling, a culmination of a year that held many dark days. Not only days of death but days when, isolated, we faced the machinations of our own hearts and perhaps are left with broken lives in their wake. Marriages ending as couples find without the distractions of normal life they don't care to stay committed. Many turning to food, bringing quips about an extra 15. Of course many feel the darkness enter their souls and counsellors face inundation with new clients dealing with depression and addiction, among other things.

The darkness presses in from outside our lives as well, as again and again we face helpless moments as seemingly arbitrary government restrictions change from one day to another. With every ounce of our beings we want to pretend this year never happened. Sensational news focuses on dramatic moments, augmenting the atmosphere of hopelessness. Facts fall by the wayside and all we hear from every direction is fear. In spite of doing what we think is right in the moment perhaps we still find ourselves alone, wounded by love, sickened in body, exhausted in mind. Darkness. Death. 

Into the dying year comes a day to remember light. Trivialised with trappings of glitz and glamour that are helpless against the darkness all around, still a glimmer of light comes through a crack in the doorway. He came into a world equally struggling with hope. To an oppressed people who longed with everything inside them to see the promised redemption. He came - He comes - proclaiming love - joy - hope - peace, the only One who truly shines with assurance of these things. He stood - He stands - with arms outstretched offering the very thing that dispels the darkness and many chose - and still choose - to keep their eyes shut and wave their hands on their own in these dark days, not recognising the significance right before them.

This year was significant. The darkness rose up like a towering storm cloud and reminded us of the futility of arranging life on our own. But significant moments are often unusually packaged like that dark night in Bethlehem and come when we least expect it. Have we reached the end of ourselves? The end of our striving, our attempts to arrange life on our own? Can we open our eyes to see the light that is shining in the darkness and embrace Him, becoming a glass vessel through which He can gleam? The choice is ever before us--He invites us to come, to step into the light, to shine ever brighter as the darkness spreads. 

Happy Christmas

May you let Him transform you and may next year be even more glorious.

12 December 2020

Advent 3: Death as the Beginning

Hope - Love - Joy - Peace. 

We celebrate life in our many festivities, and in this season new birth, the Holy One incarnate among us. Life brings hope, we suppose, and we hold fervently, ecstatically to the things we think bring us life. Yet the thought of Christmas, of Christ coming, inevitably leads the mind to the end of the story, or rather the climax that is the beginning of our story as believers: His death on the cross. "Rejoice", the angels said, but Simeon prophesied to Mary, "a sword will pierce your own soul." How could this be? How could God's promise--the promise of life that lasts forever--end with the death of the very chosen one, our Messiah?

As paradoxical as it seems, death can be the only way to life. Death of your own petty dreams and selfish desires. Think of a field of weeds, choking the harvest. The weeds must die in order for the good seed to bear fruit. We often hold so tightly to the dead end ways that we have convinced ourselves will bring us the very thing we long for and He, in His mercy, knows that we must allow Him to wrench them out of our lives--through death--in order that we can live unto Him and the surpassingly great life that He offers. Consider relationships in which we fail time and again because we have habits or are choosing temporary satisfaction instead of love that lasts. We must die to the immediacy that our world loudly proclaims to grasp profound intimacy that remains.

This year presented an opportunity to experience a shaking of things that could seem to be the way to life but in reality they only bring death because they represent our grasping for life on our own terms. He can use the upheaval of a world in turmoil uniquely in each of our lives to reveal areas in which we are demanding life on our own terms, and He can bring death into them if we have the eyes to see how He is coming in this year. It's our choice, after all. We can shake our fist and zombie-like run back to the same devices, gnashing our teeth and waiting for life to get back to "normal". Or we can embrace death; let Him reveal life His way and begin again, renewed in hope for the joyful abundant life He offers. Look closely at the places you felt death the most and ask Him how you can see the possibility of a life. Ask how you can be a life-bearer in that. He is coming. He offers a new beginning.

I close with the ending of a book I love by CS Lewis that captures the ultimate idea--that death is only the beginning for those of us who have tasted life eternal:
"'...and all of you are--as you used to call it in the Shadowlands--dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning.' [...] but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. Now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before." 

09 December 2020

buoyant again

I take the scissors in my steady right hand

the string I grasp in my left

a million miles beneath I see the ground

like a quilt left in childhood

or the kaleidoscope of seashells on the sand

too far away to touch or hold

it is the work of a simple moment in time

cutting the rope that ties me

I watch it fall away towards yesterday

a laugh bubbles up inside

you can never know how far is the sky

until you let it all go away

ebullience is a word I embrace again

leaving the darkness below

my face is set once more toward the light

hope can still surprise my heart

as my spirit begins to soar beyond the vale

Your love gives me wings


05 December 2020

Advent 2: Emmaus

2020 has been a year of death. Not as much actual death as the reaction and initial speculation belied, although that did happen accompanied by magnified attention which does nothing to alleviate sorrow. Rather death came in hopes deferred or destroyed. Weddings that couldn't happen. Celebrations cancelled. Trips never taken. Businesses and careers ended. Relationships broken. Truly a pandemic of lost hope swept throughout the world this year and leaves behind a global trauma that no one can say from how we can recover.

A couple millennia ago on a road in dusty Palestine two men explained to a third how a year had culminated in hopes and dreams dashed upon the ground. A man had come and for three glorious years he had spoken of a life beyond anything they could imagine. Freedom. A kingdom they longed for, although they glossed over "not of this world". Even as they didn't always understand his descriptions such as eating flesh and drinking blood, they clung to the belief that their imaginings of the longed-for Messiah had finally embodied themselves in this one man. After all, they had a rich history of a Red Sea parted, the sun standing still, and walls falling down. So what if Isaiah mentioned bruised and battered in his colourful description of the coming Saviour? No doubt God knew what was needed in this time.

The two men shared how people followed him, leaving their jobs and livelihood to wander throughout the land, learning at his feet. How he sent them out to share his words and they found every need provided and saw miracles. He even raised a dead man! Those three years were exhilarating and everything in them knew that the end would come for the oppressors and the promised land would once again blossom. The Romans and their puppet Herods's days were numbered.

Everything they hoped and dreamed, in one short day died. He died. He who had raised the dead, made the blind see, healed lifelong diseases, knew their deepest heart's desires, was laid dead in a tomb. Where could they go from here? They had staked everything they knew on him and nothing remained. To accept the disheartening truth would rearrange their world and their aching hearts could not see how to believe again. Where was Emmanuel in this moment? Why hadn't he done what he said he would do? And what to make of the extraordinary missing body?

Then He spoke. In the midst of death He showed how God is the One who does the impossible. He is the One who takes a hopeless situation and brings hope. Freedom to captives. Fruit to barren wombs. Life to dead people. And most miraculous of all, redemption to sinners. He spoke to the two men, showed them how, in a world consumed with death, the only way was to turn death upside down, beat the enemy at his own game. And still the two men wondered, struggling to believe how Emmanuel could come in such a package.

At the table, their eyes still clouded with confusion, He took an ordinary loaf of bread and broke it. He blessed it. And their burning hearts leapt as their eyes opened and they saw that His way of bringing dreams to reality took their narrow desires and transformed them, fulfilling them beyond any wild imagination they ever had. 

Look up from the dusty road. In a year full of death and dung, can we see Him working to not simply fulfil the little dreams we have but to use us--if we are willing--to bring hope to many? As His death brought life, can we die to selfish habits and live to glorious joy? He is Emmanuel, even when the road is not the one we would have chosen. He is coming.

04 December 2020

thoughts on being unique

the more rare something is the more valuable and consequently the greater the desire to own and control and use so that many people walk around trying to handle and touch and make something they do not possess a little closer to their own liking and sometimes you find that you are that something, that rarity, that oddity, and maybe more often than sometimes you awake to find yet another person has merely used you and like fingerprints on polished silver tarnished you in an attempt to consume to enthral as if secretly they want to cut you down to their size, to find that your uniqueness will transfer and perhaps make them all they have lost yet as you pick yourself up from the inevitable fall that such consumerism ensues, sadly disenchanted by the realisation that it was not you they desired but the way you made them feel or the way you made their business soar or the way you listened, a glimmer persists in your resilient heart, a hope for as you see in the eyes of a few friends you still hold close not all merely squander the gift of your nonpareil heartbeat, for after all you know who counts every hair and so you again place each shattered dream in His hands, refusing to become like those very cardboard people who mishandled you and instead shine again in hope that though lonely be the road His smile will see you home

03 December 2020

little foxes

it's the door just left cracked open

to a whisper of the night

when the darkness seeps in slowly

and puts out a little light


it's the voice that says stop trying

after all you know the end

and behind that smiling face

you no longer see a friend


it's the thought you entertain

that perhaps it's time to go

take your battered heart away

lean in to the fears you know


it's the melancholy morning

when you slip back out the door

tell yourself how strong you are

when your dreams lie on the floor


it's the times you choose to stop

wrap the barbed wire round your heart

turn away from those who love you

grasp the lie and stay apart


but the glimmer of a prayer

for a hero at the gate

kills the foxes that destroy

before it's now too late