scarred

it's good friday and i'm musing on the whole forgiveness thing that the blood shed so long ago yet immediately efficacious is to me. it's especially relevant as i think about the idea of friendship and how some people, without explanation, choose to unfriend you on facebook. petty that it should bother me perhaps it still cuts especially when you think what a low quality of relationship that is in the first place (many of the "friends" i have on there i barely know) and so for someone to find my name and click "unfriend" communicates a vindictive spirit in my mind. i've only done this to a handful of people and it was mostly due to their persistence in bothering me or my heart being unable to see how they moved on with their life.
but beyond facebook i'm thinking of all those moments in the day when i have the opportunity to choose forgiveness. and it is indeed a choice and only available because He made a way. now when the hurt rises up because this or that person treats me as disposable i can remember that in the ledger of debts i don't deserve to have a 0 balance. i don't deserve to have an inheritance with the saints including my dad in glory. because of that i can offer again and again love when i feel hurt. i can choose to believe that every person can change, even the ones i'm tempted to doubt. someday that friend and i will stand before the throne with all the dross burned away and we'll worship for eternity because of those scars. in light of that this good friday i'm grateful.

mum's the word

sometimes
it's better to shut up
think a moment before you share
maybe i don't need to know
maybe the wound your words leave
isn't worth getting it off your back
perhaps it's not what you think
perhaps you misunderstood
could it be that you were wrong
all those years of smiling
when behind you disliked me
better not to share it now
leave me reeling as you feel better
since after all you realise i'm not
the person you thought i was
did i even need to know that
instead i'm left with you
not being the person i depended on
in a world already empty
of one i counted on to accept me
no matter what
is it necessary to know
you all aren't trustworthy
that i am not accepted
thanks you made the world
even smaller and sadder
dwindling the list of people
i can run to when i have a bad dream
please think about it next time
you rock the next generation's world
forcing me to be the strong one
in the end i'll be better
for having only Him to rely on
but did it have to be
the road of sorrows
could we find a way
to choose love next time
and offer grace not grief
sometimes

battle ready glimpses

i turn my fingers right side up
my palms cupped to receive
let stress and worry slip away
find faith just to believe
twisted metal and ruined flesh
a broken world is strong
but in the silence i find hope
and peace to carry on
long years of waiting facing foes
the battle is within
when real trials come i'll lift my head
i know who's going to win

i'm bowing here
but not in defeat
as one about to rise
every nerve attuned
the greater the odds
the greater His glory
unwrap the linen cloth
let fire come forth
no foe will stand
no evil prosper
as we lift up
hearts united

refracted grace

the sun was shining so i stepped
outside my door to find
the raindrops falling on my head
and messing with my mind
so back inside i went tout de suite
a little bit perturbed
my hopes quite high now soundly dashed
i sat a while disturbed
i thought to walk both here and there
not bothered with a coat
but now i found all turned about
and respite quite remote
i wanted sunshine and a stroll
the sky seemed to agree
yet froward rain seemed prevail
it would not let me be
some time went by until i roused
determined not to faze
i shook my fist up at the sky
and went out anyways
it burst upon my sodden eyes
a wonder to behold
when sunlight dances with the rain
a rainbow does unfold