because a thankful heart...

it is truly amazing how sitting down and thanking God for all the amazing things He's done, the amazing person He is, and all the wonderful things He's given can revolutionize your attitude. as He continues to teach me that He alone satisfies, i find He blesses me as i lean into Him. He has worked on teaching me this year to praise Him through the difficulties, and in the past few weeks He has taught me to hope again. the joy that comes through thanksgiving and praise when I see His blessings is all the more rich because of the struggles i have faced to get to this day. and while i know not how or if my hopes will be fulfilled as i dream today, i know hope in Him does not disappoint.

thank You, God, for a happy heart today.

one brick at a time...

in Poe's short story, "the cask of amontillado", montresor tricks his friend fortunato into going into the crypts where he walls him up alive. the cause of his hate grew over time, leading him to this point, but he never let fortunato know--"I continued as my wont, to smile in his face".

in relationships, we often do a similar thing--allowing things to come between us, building up a wall one brick at a time until finally, the person becomes dead to us. we take offense, one brick. we run away from a tough situation, another brick. we don't tell the person how we really feel, yet another brick.

sometimes, we build the wall secretly, still smiling in the supposed friend's face while all the while laying bricks until, suddenly, the friend is staring at a wall, at a broken friendship.

it takes bravery to not lay bricks, to tear down the ones we have already laid, and to walk in transparent honesty, to forgive.

you disarm me

i flash my blade

securely naive

when with a whisk

my rapier falls

and i stand

naked

unprotected

with a word

you cut easily

through my defenses

carefully crafted

verbal barricades

you treat like matchsticks

a puff from your mouth

and they fall away

ironically

in my weakness

i tremble

but not from fear

megamadness

the loud worship music cloaks the darkened room like a blanket, while bright spotlights ruffle the crowd. thousands of people, mostly strangers, gather to sing and listen and then go their separate ways. the message is good, challenging, the opportunities for service numerous and creative. but a hollowness pervades.

He said love one another as I have loved you. this love goes deeper than an occasional handshake, an impersonal gift. love that transforms digs below the superficial interactions to the place where i must make a choice to love you in spite of the failures, weaknesses, and pain in both our lives.

they--the world--will know we are christians by this love. can a church of over 10,000 strong demonstrate an intimate love, a covenantal love that sticks together through thick and thin? perhaps. but most likely only in pockets, in small groups. and i think the huge size encourages a large group of "hangers-on" who think they are practicing church involvement when in reality they are merely basking in the glow of the few who are truly laying down their lives.

i weep for a culture that has chosen glitz and grandiosity at the price of lasting and meaningful relationship. and i weep for the church that, like a lamb, is following it heedlessly.

perspective

from the air i see

a mound of shaded green

whose paths i know

along the waters blue

i can trace the shape

of each long hallway

in the cream building

now a distant block

between me and home

is only breath

thousands of air

too thick to cross

i've traveled this road

many times before

leaving what home

i think i know

each time it aches

to leave you behind

but most of all

not missing me

unsure

God, i'm kneeling

it's another bush

still burning

i lost my shoes

a while back

my feet are cracked

will this ever be

a lesson learned?

the fire scorches

must i yet again

throw this desire

in all-consuming flame?

my knees give way

under this heartbreak

teach me to trust

Your best will come