Midsummer

the longest day of the year

is past

the sun has come and gone

at last

spring's flowers fade in summer's 

gleam

and autumn's leaves shall soon

be seen

the blazing heat belies

the chill

the waning days softly

foretell

another year is dying 

slow

how many more i do

not know

the future with its rosy

hue

is full of things that i

must do

tomorrow soon becomes

today

and then my change has gone

away

the years pile up instead

of dreams

and all the ghosts of might-

have-beens

the garment of the life 

i wear

is full of holes and so

threadbare

my thoughts are like the crows

outside

so loud with things i might 

have tried

the years behind are like 

this day

an echo of what cannot 

stay

and so i bid the sun 

adieu

to God the past make all 

things new

shuffle step

I saw an old man walking

his shoulders softly drooping

the shuffle step

the weight of years

the questions never pausing

I gazed at him unseen

though rough his steps not stopping

from where he came

to where he goes

I knew I'd never know

Has time to him been kind

do memories haunt his way

of faces gone

what might have been

I mused on possibilities

He might have stayed indoors

decaying by the fire

yet on the eve

of death's new day

he chose to soldier on

Perhaps in hime I see

the path we all may tread

each day a chance

to venture forth

and see what lies ahead

lock the door

the years stretch out 

i close the door

another task 

another chore

five years past and gone

maybe more

have i lost myself

in the mundane

the strong bolt turns 

pin tumblers slick

i think of nothing

that's the trick

to still the thoughts

that poke and prick

and keep me safe

from the truth

if i can forget

tomorrow won't come

where all the hopes

and fears are from

and all the things

i haven't done

might slowly and softly

creep away

another year passes

lines on my face grey in my hair

the years they pass quickly

forgetting more than i recall

i'm still not sure i will be

we live each day in clouds

pausing not to remember

how far how long the journey is

the account someday to render

inside i'm not as far along

with more behind than to come

if not for these failing bones

that tell the story of all i've done

fears and hopes failures too

the years bring these and more

to run to rest to soldier on

with eyes on what's in store

becoming me success eludes

as lonely grows the way

it matters not if i get there soon

but i must arrive today

sludge spot

there's a spot under the pot

where the sun never shines

the moss is growing fast

the water never dries

a year or two or maybe three

the warp has now set in

the rot is strong it won't last long

entropy in 3-D

pine needles join the dance

a moldy tango fierce

another drop another drip

the point of no return

beneath the moss under the pot

the wood is holding still

but touch the spot so full of rot 

it crumbles instantly

beware the dark and damp

where no light enters in

things left too long decay

compost in formation

before that moment passes by

move the pot let it dry

orphan thoughts

i hold a small life in my hands

it moves, it breathes, it purrs

its days are numbered this is one

as it runs to two i think of others

this winter season ending time

a parent lost a loved one gone

a moving breathing life silent

just as i was once held

the arms that hold me hold no longer

though you may become the one

who holds the small beating life

you are never ready to be an orphan

when you can no longer nestle

find security in a strong embrace

the sun still shines and the day is three

counting down to eternity

i hold the little fur ball closer

four of how many days are past

i grasp life in this fleeting moment

as Dillard ironically noted

instead of holding on to rocks

my orphan heart seeks others

small lives to snuggle close

until the day is done

winter sunshine

i'm walking in a wonderland

but not of snow

the air is clear

no rain in sight

what is this magic

this breeze that teases

hints of spring belie

the dark january days

i spread my fingers wide

catch warmth and wind

flying high above

the groaning days

my silly broken heart

still hopes anew

that in the gloom

a light still shines

this winter sunshine

this longing fierce

for joyful times

for peace on earth

hope against hope

believing is seeing

i turn my face upwards

early evenings

the darkness comes early

lasts longer than light

the cold's in the bones

there's no will to fight

the waiting seems endless

with false hopes and turns

when finally you grasp it

it no longer burns

'tween shadow and starlight

you can't find your breath

the glow of the sunrise

like waking from death

the sunshine breaks through

the golden leaves shine

for a moment you're lost

for a moment you're mine

but mostly the clouds

grey and heavy with rain

pour lead in your soul

sound an endless refrain

is the thing that you long

worth the price that you pay

can you live with the cost

at the end of the day

when the ache overwhelms

and you've nowhere to go

i'm holding out hope

where the rain turns to snow

so blow on that flame

when the night is too long

wrap your love with a bow

i'll come to your song

noise

the noise comes loud the noise comes soft

i cannot stop the noise from deafening

a thousand voices clamoring

for me to be some way

as years increase the decibels match

the demands escalate in step

i'm too much or not enough

but mostly just me

the pervasive lie behind the noise dictates

the change will win for me acclaim

the crowd with love my name

whatever it may be

i wrap a cloak of apathy to shield me from the pain

to try and stay true to my way

resist the camouflage

but it's in vain

passion is pain and life is pain so they say

regardless of the road i take

i must make a stand

choose this day

the way i walk is solitary in this forest dim

i have not found a soul to join

to be unique takes strength

and lonely courage

in the end it's not my choice to shout

i want not my own words

to make some lasting noise

let glory be my voice

it's fall again

will you come with me past the old oak tree

where the shivering aspen stand

when the frosty breeze stirs up the leaves

we can walk together hand in hand

as the shadows grow there are things you know

that I long to hear spoken softly

let the dying day whisk your cares away

give your heart to me so freely

it's the time of year when the end is near

and your soul feels the weight of time

with a dying grace and a warm embrace

we can find the sad sublime

the leaves that fall from the trees so tall

tell of glories that are past

of long summer days far from winter's gaze

and the shadows that it casts

I wonder still when I feel the chill

how my heart can thrill with pain

thinking of your smile that you shared awhile

though you never come again

in this season's change with its weather range

my emotions ebb and flow

and though lonely now I find hope somehow

something buried deep will grow

periphery

it's hiding just outside

the limits of my view

I'm sensing but not seeing

like something I forgot

but never quite remembered

I grasp at aural light

concretely insubstantial

I wake with vague discomfort

false scenes disturb my rest

these moments never happened

left emotions strongly felt

if I went right the way was left

and so I doubt my path

a million tiny options gnaw

it's not regret I whisper soft

insidious voice is more

what ifs pristine and white

cloud castles in the air

like stories shortened early

they might have ended well

instead of endless epics

that tell of failures vast

I wish when lights are dim

this feeling I could shake

accept my lot the one I chose

and leave the rest to God

walk with me

sometimes the way is damp

although the stream is dry

and when I hope for some kind word

the people pass me by

the trees that shade the sun

breathe chillness in the air

and though I long for warmer days

fall's coming everywhere

when down the path I ran

you lagged a ways behind

but when I slowed you sped ahead

what did you have in mind

the faces through the years

some stay while others go 

if winter's frost were tempered down

they could relax I know

the road can stretch for miles

so lonely is the way

my steps don't match the friends I've had

and I've no place to stay

but in the stillness deep

the whisper still can come

the narrow path is worth the risk

the ending lies at home

solitary song

i turned a corner suddenly

the streetlight wasn't there

i listened as the summer breeze

spoke laughter in my ear

not knowing that the hours past

were full of empty toil

when winter winds come soon

the autumn fruit to spoil

year on year of working

a quest for wealth or fame

days not worth remembering

and they forgot my name

i looked in vain for glowing

to see the way to take

my path is not so clear

the choice is mine to make

the keys beneath my fingers

a lonesome song do sing

the words a melody

that means a different thing

i play alone in darkness

obscurity my friend

and sometimes hear the whisper

of how my story ends

uncertain times

pieces of color patched together

noises and horns distracting voices

things i forgot to do

the morning is over the day almost gone

maybe tomorrow something will come

i'll remember what

items in order on small scraps of paper

litter the table and fill up the basket

lists i should get done

thirty seconds a drop and another one passes

videos of humour and other folk's lives

maybe i can skip that

closing my eyes as the summer sun sets

wondering if the road leads anywhere soon

i'd like to know

empty long days interspersed with flashes

moments of beauty i'm caught unawares

somehow i'll make it

folding my fingers to see just a glimpse

perspective beyond these restless hours

i'm almost there

maybe what lasts isn't measured by numbers

currency of legacy in different weights

things i hope to see

feeling the heavy settle into my chest

while lightly i tread through uncertainty

now i'm letting go

Adieu St Stephens

the winter sun glows kindly

through coloured windows soft

panes testify to ages past

130 winter suns come and gone

the dust shivers on sturdy beams

as the organ plays one last song

temporary braces still standing strong

as voices pass into memories

who will remember the passion

pews retired to halls and gardens

partitioned rooms where choirs sang

altars whisper of vows forgotten

the eve of the end casts shadows

can an empty space hold pain

once full of hope and life

now reduced to begging favours

the door shuts slowly firmly

what fills one and not another

keep the lamp stand in the midst

bring your first love home

this new year

it sits like a blank page before me

this new year

hopes and fears are in the wings

shrouded by mist

a thousand options crowd my way

where will I go

the path I take is hidden now

someday seen

I waver between joy and dread

what comes next

many years have come and gone

a mixed bag

I take up my pen to write the start

this new day

come triumph or tragedy I know

not alone

the darkest time of year

the birds flee swift 

their sights on sun

the trees shiver bare

their leaves all gone 

to dens beasts shuffle 

and sleep til spring 

my blood runs cold 

at what long nights bring 

I raise my arms

and stretch a strand

small fragile bulbs

from out my hand 

such weak defence 

against a foe

who gobbles day

and makes light go

those twinkling sparks 

remind my heart 

that though it seems 

like all is dark 

time will fly on

and in the end 

the dawn returns 

to rise again 

scars

my finger traces the lines 

broken flesh sewn together

signs of healing never forgotten

no longer smooth

skin once soft and supple

now split by a jagged line

interrupted peace roughly torn

but stronger now

a bit of broken glass

a curious toddler's reach

now a white streak on a pink palm

remember when

longer wider shows one

tracing the shoulder blade straight

marks of a surgeon's skill and care

diseases battled

hidden from my keen touch

deeper lie the unseen breaks

whispered words that burn like fire

just yesterday

I marvel looking close

between the cracks I see now

a light come shining through my scars

becoming glory

turning time

I sat outside your window 

and hoped the light would glow 

without a cry

life’s passing by

and like the day it goes 

through winter’s silent hours 

and spring’s precocious way

my heart has ached 

as if she’d break 

to know what you would say 

the zephyr warmed my face 

as summer ushered in 

long days of fun 

beneath the sun 

before fall rains begin 

each season keeps on passing 

like seaweed on the sea 

beneath the crash 

that’s roaring past 

my heart longs just to be 

I know it’s not forever 

as moments pass me by 

I’ll shed a tear

but stay right here 

you’ll someday heed my cry

the window near my head

will finally open wide 

I’ll see your face 

feel your embrace 

and know that peace inside 

so though the shade is down 

as nighttime follows day

incline your ear

and reappear 

to drive the dark away 

the mountains are calling

sometimes a picture cannot begin 

to capture the horizon 

to wrap a frame around the sky

and trap the colour of life 

growing green and dying golden 

the misty ridges from blue to distant grey

rippling into the future like waves upon the sea

warm dappled rays dancing on the skin 

the wind making tympanic music all around 

rocky trails lead to hidden vistas

with air so clear it makes the heart ache 

just to be is enough 

let go of all the questions that remain 

open wide arms outstretched in gratitude 

today the gift of breath

the moment ripe for second chances