glimpses

i'm right i'm sure

and here again

until i see

your face and cringe

no matter how

i try to be

i cannot win

your sympathy

for others feel 

your softest gaze

yet never can

i bend my ways

enough to be

who you desire

to earn your love

avoid your ire

you're not the first

won't be the last

while i have breath

i can't get past

to be myself

to please someone

the paradox

can't overcome

i pause and gaze

up at the sky

the evening stars

are standing by

i hold my heart

then let it go

safe in the thought

of what i know

someday i'll find

that i can be

all that i dream

eternally

solitary song

i turned a corner suddenly

the streetlight wasn't there

i listened as the summer breeze

spoke laughter in my ear

not knowing that the hours past

were full of empty toil

when winter winds come soon

the autumn fruit to spoil

year on year of working

a quest for wealth or fame

days not worth remembering

and they forgot my name

i looked in vain for glowing

to see the way to take

my path is not so clear

the choice is mine to make

the keys beneath my fingers

a lonesome song do sing

the words a melody

that means a different thing

i play alone in darkness

obscurity my friend

and sometimes hear the whisper

of how my story ends

uncertain times

pieces of color patched together

noises and horns distracting voices

things i forgot to do

the morning is over the day almost gone

maybe tomorrow something will come

i'll remember what

items in order on small scraps of paper

litter the table and fill up the basket

lists i should get done

thirty seconds a drop and another one passes

videos of humour and other folk's lives

maybe i can skip that

closing my eyes as the summer sun sets

wondering if the road leads anywhere soon

i'd like to know

empty long days interspersed with flashes

moments of beauty i'm caught unawares

somehow i'll make it

folding my fingers to see just a glimpse

perspective beyond these restless hours

i'm almost there

maybe what lasts isn't measured by numbers

currency of legacy in different weights

things i hope to see

feeling the heavy settle into my chest

while lightly i tread through uncertainty

now i'm letting go

blue day sunshine

it's summer now

the bee proclaims

as lazily he flits

from blade of grass

to flower bright

and all the bluebirds sing

the robin finds

a tasty worm

as tender berries ripen

the hummingbird

sips nectar sweet

with wings as fast as lightning

I drink it in

the long warm days

that whisper endless idylls

the nights of dreams

what-might-have-beens

that fade away by morning

but in the wind 

I sense a note

this moment cannot last

the days grow short

midsummer's past

and winter's round the corner

why is it so

in joyful times

my heart a shadow feels

though sunlight's strong

and breezes sweet

I cannot rest for long

it's summer now

the bee proclaims

yet in my eyes is fall

the rain that comes

the winter brings

and all the birds are gone

put it off

i'm out of time

or so i say

and put it off

from this today

the thing can wait

i'll do it when

tomorrow comes

it's fine 'til then

the whisper soothes

the day flies by

full of stuff

i'd rather try

a day a year

it comes and goes

words unwritten

tv shows

i'm older now

the hair is grey

and still i say

maybe today

it's all i have

this here and now

to paint the sky

and change somehow

the page is blank

and so i stare

in hopes my thoughts

will find somewhere

but nothing comes

and so i sigh

tomorrow waits

until i die

Adieu St Stephens

the winter sun glows kindly

through coloured windows soft

panes testify to ages past

130 winter suns come and gone

the dust shivers on sturdy beams

as the organ plays one last song

temporary braces still standing strong

as voices pass into memories

who will remember the passion

pews retired to halls and gardens

partitioned rooms where choirs sang

altars whisper of vows forgotten

the eve of the end casts shadows

can an empty space hold pain

once full of hope and life

now reduced to begging favours

the door shuts slowly firmly

what fills one and not another

keep the lamp stand in the midst

bring your first love home

this new year

it sits like a blank page before me

this new year

hopes and fears are in the wings

shrouded by mist

a thousand options crowd my way

where will I go

the path I take is hidden now

someday seen

I waver between joy and dread

what comes next

many years have come and gone

a mixed bag

I take up my pen to write the start

this new day

come triumph or tragedy I know

not alone