2020

 the dark hours of the night passed with driving rain that beat and tore at the walls of the house dashing sleep from my eyes an echo to the beating that a year full of the island of dreams coming true and if you know the reference that's not a good thing because if all that our subconscious minds feared and desired materialised before us it would tear our souls in two and we would walk forward, forever broken in pieces yet in many ways this year has done exactly that by ripping away the shrouds of security that we carefully draped around a nice little life like the author says instead of grabbing on to things that are solid we grab on to each other yet we're all sliding off into eternity but what i ponder when shattered i gaze on all that i thought could be as ripped and tattered for now is how much hope can still remain for though it may be cliche shakings bring the possibility of seeing what you are made of and if you are still standing in the midst of incredible heartache you can take a step forward and see that He can bring beauty out of ashes for after all this world is not my home and through the salty water running down my face i can still stand and say amen

Zeno's Paradox

it's not hi or goodbye

it's the space in between

where heartache and laughter

are so often seen

where words bend and break us

and forever change

we leave empty-handed

though memories remain

the staying's not easy

so onward we press

past new hopes in greeting

away from the mess

but secretly yearning

in spite of it all

that someday at last

we would finally fall

embraced without fear

in the space in between

to never say farewell

and truly be seen

wind storm

 wind. 

not the lovely breeze that refreshes or invigorates. no, the gale force wind that almost knocks you off your feet. the strength of gusts when you must press in to counterbalance or risk toppling. funny, that. you must lean in, push back against the force of something that is hitting you harder than you think you can bear. literally. to continue standing you must embrace, move towards, lean into. counterintuitive. 

wind. 

i'm learning to not run from the forces that knock me off my feet. sure, it may feel like flying for a bit but it also means i can never stand still and i often fall. i must trust that He is with me and the change the wind can bring--not always just of me but others too--is for His best. He can carry me through. whether i am able to stand or not i will lean in and trust.

falling back

like a tickle just under my skin

the waves move in and out never still

heartbeats that steal my sleep aside

as thoughts run to and fro to and fro

i walk here and there half asleep

footsteps chasing a memory gained

whispers that throb loudly in my ears

til silence seems a distant evensong

caught somewhere inside a living dream

my prayers slip between my fingers

i long for a hem to touch in faith

to feel peace smooth my dancing veins

but trust is dearly bought and sold

and the heart fears the price too high

the tide brings only today's flotsam

tomorrow's sunset tells its own tale

hazy days

diffused rays on a lazy summer sun day bathe the world in sepia tones that soothe and deceptively calm the gaze that belies the voracious cause until i breathe deeply and choke on a thousand embers ashy haze of trees and houses and wildflowers
turned to blackened
dust and clogs the
lungs with never-
mores and can-
not-bes until i
shut the door and
pray for autumn
rains to clean the
air and wash the
last summer days
into falling mist

when the train whistle blows

 he never saw it coming though

it's hard to believe something

that big could sneak up on any

one person clearly following a

seemingly straight path while

some argue he must have heard

the warnings here and there as

everyone knows what happens if

you make that crossing yet it

must have surprised him because

he never flinched and those that

know him attest to his cautious

concern for all matters related

to health and safety so he would

hardly have been one to neglect

so crucial a moment as his last

but that is ironically the tone

set by many as they rush to and

fro ignoring the inevitable or

rather trying to avoid it at all

costs when perhaps better spent

the life that looks the beam of

eternity right in the eye and is

ready when the train whistle blows

morning breaks

the sun intrudes destroying my
sleep the dreams that excite or
frighten banished by the molten
ball of fire and i gasp into another
day unsure in this unexpected year
what tomorrow looks like yet
knowing that today i breathe i live
i can worship and with my second
gasp i bow to the One greater than
any sun who chooses to awaken me
each day knowing that i can choose
to fight for hope to recognise the gifts
He gives and the days allotted to look
with joy upon lives that surround me
and creation's wonders and resist the
fear and nightmarish quality this world
daily succumbs to while pressing into
today and knowing no matter what sea
is in my way He does the impossible
and the more dark it seems the more
opportunity for Him to shine forth
brighter than the light that broke
in upon me this sunny morning