He makes me lie down

As usual, the trail of my thoughts, though interconnected may take a circuitous route.

The title references the well-known Psalm 23, and works around the thought that God makes me lie down by still waters--He makes me have peace. It's a picture of the lovely stillness we associate with peace yet also a strong force on the part of God, almost as if His hand were pushing us down--"lie down at peace, even though you're freaking out, struggling, despairing--I AM is in control so lie down". Not an original thought to me, someone once preached a similar message and it has stuck with me, especially since I am one who often says, "but, God...". Which is something I've realized recently, i.e., I know I'm stubborn and strong-willed but I thought that was just when it came to people. I rationalized any stubbornness against God by saying, "maybe I didn't hear Him correctly...He surely wouldn't ask that." Yet this year I've faced the bald fact that I wrestle with Him and He is making me lie down.

Which brings us to another thought: joy. It's the theme at church and so often on my mind. What does it truly mean for me to have joy--especially joy through the suffering? Since my name means "source of joy", this, to me, is a crucial lesson...perhaps one I will spend my life learning. Today as pastor spoke, He talked a lot about joy being tied up in hope...and hope does not disappoint, as long as it is in Him.

That very hope is also churning within, percolating with aromas of dead ends and forgotten dreams. In my life, I still do not know what to hope for. So I am reminded that for is not so as important as Who. And these words and the story that surrounds them, from the book Peace Like a River, convicted me today: "Fair is whatever God wants to do." The background is simple: the narrator had come to the place of hopeless resignation and simply given up; surrendering control to God, yes, but without any expectations that He would want to give him joy and do miracles.

Living in surrender is a goal for my life, but a surrender that looks like me riding on the wings of the Almighty, knowing that what He wants to do will be amazing and miraculous and smack of impossibilities and dreams come true. I'm not there yet, as much as I long to be, and it's all tied up with love and others and who He has made me to be.

Romans 5:3-5 (Amplified Bible)

Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance.
And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation.
Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.