thoughts on love languages

"The purpose of love is to enhance the well-being of another, not to satisfy your own desires."

"The whole concept of the five love languages is learning to speak the other's language, not just perfecting your own."

Unconditional love. The pinnacle of perfection. Sought vainly in man, offered in God. Yet we are His image and therefore privileged to aspire on to loving more and more without condition. A love that offers whether the loved loves in return. A love that seeks the best for the other person. No longer a laundry list of "how to love me", loving can become an adventure in which we seek to discover and honor the uniqueness of the desires He has placed in us. Leaving aside the "easy" way where I tell you how to love me, we can strive toward spontaneous, unexpected, original expressions of love that show the beloved they are loved merely for being themselves, not for anything they have done, can do, or will do. Such love that was offered at the Cross now can be offered from our hearts as Another loves through us.

Teach me to love as You love. A love that does not seek its own. Realizing how undeservedly and freely You show me love, so now out of that love I can offer others a moonlit glimpse.

We tend to want to blame or praise, but life doesn't divide itself that neatly. You're going to be looking for someone to understand you, too.

...they [artists] all have a need that cannot be met by another human being. That's why the affairs, the one-night stands. It takes greatness of spirit to understand that the need is not meetable, and just to get on with life.

~L'Engle, Certain Women

a minor epiphany

pain is the megaphone God uses to rouse a deaf world. ~cs lewis

when i think about where i'm at in life, it's a negative response to switchfoot's question. i have no idea where i'm going, who i'm going with, and even if i want to get there. but this week, God reminded me why i still sing. i have not lost my voice, and He told me why i should not lose my joy.

storge

i am a hopeless romantic and, like much afraid, i wanted so much to be loved. early on--earlier than i can remember really--i realized that my family was not the lovable perfect model that some friends had. perfection in family love could never be achieved so i looked elsewhere...

eros

i dreampt that someday the perfect knight would come and sweep me away. it hasn't happened and moreover those i put on pedestals have spit on my regard. so i look elsewhere...

phileo

this, this is it! finally, people--good, Jesus-loving people--who won't let me down, who understand me and are committed to me until the very end. this year, God has let me see that friends fail as much as lovers and family. through suffering, through misunderstandings and harsh, hateful words my budding plant of false love has been ripped up...

agape

so tonight i worshipped in a new place and He shed a new light on this season in life. His is the only love that satisfies, and even more, He jealously desires me to find in Him all the fulfillment the other loves try to mimic. in mercy, He allowed trials and sufferings to come to me so that i could see only He matters. really see, in a way that only coming to the broken end of myself where all else failed could bring. i can walk in joy--not by ignoring the hurts nor by avoiding repentance--but by realizing and focussing on Him alone. HIM ALONE. His love can sustain me and bring me the joy i need. a daily lesson, to be sure, but one newly bored more deeply into me.

oh Lord, i see more clearly now

see this place of pain and how

you brought me here in love

so all else may fade away

You the center alone stay

My Lover and My Lord

be near me now and guide me

as i forgive and humbly free

the ones who brought the pain

they become the simple means

that exposes what needs cleaned

and You provide the salve

thank You for your love so kind

that brought me this peace of mind

i kneel in surrender

what type of dog are you?

dogs can generally be categorized in three ways. certain dogs are confident that humans enjoy them. these dogs approach people, tails wagging, tongue hanging out, certain that people will pat their heads, pet them adoringly and in general simply love them. after all, they are lovable! it never enters into their head that someone would not want them around; after all, what’s not to like? should the occasional person run screaming in fear or lash out at them in anger they respond in surprise and assume that the person has the problem. they are perfect.

another type of dog is the personification of the fight side. these dogs approach every human interaction, based perhaps on careful training, as a combat situation. humans are the enemy, and must be attacked and defeated if possible. no human is trustworthy nor endowed with good intentions. bite first, ask questions later. it’s not personal, it’s business.

a third dog falls somewhere in between the other two. this dog perhaps started out liking humans, wanting to please them, but repeated interactions taught it that humans did not always want to be around the dog. for a tail wag, they got a slap. for a lick, a cuff. for a whimper, a kick. now they sidle up to humans half in fear, half in longing. tail between the legs but, if examined closely, slightly wagging. will this human be different? will s/he love me?

thoughts on Peter...

my favorite Gospel has always been John. i dreampt of being “the disciple whom Jesus loved”, the one reclining on His breast. in my mind John is a lot like Dusty in to end all wars: soft, kind, forgiving, and above all loving.

but lately it has become very clear to me that i am Peter. Peter wanted to be John, too. “what about that guy, Jesus? how’s he gonna die?” “that’s not your concern. you’re not John.” Peter’s the one i never wanted to be. deny Christ? no, not me. take matters into my own hands and chop someone’s ear off? again, not me of course. impetuously decide to build a couple temples after witnessing supreme glory? i mean, we are way off. but actually, not that far off. i am intense, impetuous, leaping before i think. i passionately believe what i say yet struggle to realize that i cannot on my own nor in my own strength fulfill any ideal i hold dear.

and, like Peter, God in His mercy has brought me to the place of bitter tears. of realizing how far short i am in being like Jesus, how my own actions deny Him more than i ever would want. i do not love people like He loves people. i am not content to be me--i want to be “John” or whoever is not me.

even in the place of tears, the dark night of denial, i can remember the story of Peter and take heart. can i but learn humility, truly learn the lesson of surrender that He in His mercy has chosen to teach me i can, someday, be greatly used by Him. it was only after Peter accepted that God loved Him, had made Him who He desired to be--”on this rock I will build My Church”--and surrendered all his own striving, only then could God use Him mightily.

so here i am, standing before the altar, feeling the burning flames singe my hair and knowing that only through climbing up on it and letting Him burn away my failure can i become who He wants me to be.

in this broken moment i come

holding only failure in my hands

Your love is all that draws

Your mercy all i cling to

can i make it through the fire

truly change

can Your will become mine

truly one

so clasping loose my rags

i’m waiting on Your touch

my strength is not enough

even to surrender