for bak and pma
how wrong i've been
all along
how blind
i thought our lives
intertwined
in mutual enjoyment
but now you say
i needed you
bothered you
a parasitic fly
or resented burden
those times together
over now
our friendship
must change
how sad i am
to say goodbye
to what i thought we had
i love you still
i always will
just let me cry awhile
08 June 2009
05 June 2009
parade!
feet marching in time
smiles on faces
the young and old
united in timeless joy
marveling anew
as the parade passes
delight at sights
strange and wonderful
tacky yet dazzling
the horns blare
off-key notes
still stir hearts
for a moment
we are neighbors
smiles on faces
the young and old
united in timeless joy
marveling anew
as the parade passes
delight at sights
strange and wonderful
tacky yet dazzling
the horns blare
off-key notes
still stir hearts
for a moment
we are neighbors
31 May 2009
futher thoughts on loneliness...kind of...
what is it that creates a desire in us to be unique, special?
this yearning to stand out from the crowd, to be different and loved for just being us?
is it part of being human?
is it fallen wants?
“See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else” from Big Fish
“And you knew that, if only that person *really* knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that YOU were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with.” from While You Were Sleeping
so if this desire is innate, what is the mature answer? b/c He loves us all the same...or does He? we are taught that but Rom 9.13 makes a distinction. but say He does, how do we let go of the desire to be special, different?
and the natural angst to be married, apparent in a clear majority of people, is partly the desire for one other person to love us more than anyone else in the world. and how do we let go of this if celibacy is our pathway?
thoughts?
this yearning to stand out from the crowd, to be different and loved for just being us?
is it part of being human?
is it fallen wants?
“See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else” from Big Fish
“And you knew that, if only that person *really* knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that YOU were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with.” from While You Were Sleeping
so if this desire is innate, what is the mature answer? b/c He loves us all the same...or does He? we are taught that but Rom 9.13 makes a distinction. but say He does, how do we let go of the desire to be special, different?
and the natural angst to be married, apparent in a clear majority of people, is partly the desire for one other person to love us more than anyone else in the world. and how do we let go of this if celibacy is our pathway?
thoughts?
30 May 2009
a psalm for today
part of #6, courtesy the message
Please, God, no more yelling,
no more trips to the woodshed.
Treat me nice for a change;
I'm so starved for affection.
Can't you see I'm black-and-blue,
beat up badly in bones and soul?
God, how long will it take
for you to let up?
Break in, God, and break up this fight;
if you love me at all, get me out of here.
I'm no good to you dead, am I?
I can't sing in your choir if I'm buried in some tomb!
I'm tired of all this—so tired.
My bed has been floating forty days and nights
On the flood of my tears.
My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears.
The sockets of my eyes are black holes;
nearly blind, I squint and grope.
Please, God, no more yelling,
no more trips to the woodshed.
Treat me nice for a change;
I'm so starved for affection.
Can't you see I'm black-and-blue,
beat up badly in bones and soul?
God, how long will it take
for you to let up?
Break in, God, and break up this fight;
if you love me at all, get me out of here.
I'm no good to you dead, am I?
I can't sing in your choir if I'm buried in some tomb!
I'm tired of all this—so tired.
My bed has been floating forty days and nights
On the flood of my tears.
My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears.
The sockets of my eyes are black holes;
nearly blind, I squint and grope.
25 May 2009
monday poem
my heart
it's a funny thing
it's beating still
although the music
fades away
i can't believe
it still survives
when no food
i've given it
the faintest whisper
smallest morsel
sustains it
for weeks
when i've abandoned
all hope or dreams
a simple word
and it lurches up
i may bind it
disillusion it
or break it
but still it flutters
it's a funny thing
it's beating still
although the music
fades away
i can't believe
it still survives
when no food
i've given it
the faintest whisper
smallest morsel
sustains it
for weeks
when i've abandoned
all hope or dreams
a simple word
and it lurches up
i may bind it
disillusion it
or break it
but still it flutters
how can something so fragile
be so strong?
be so strong?
some thoughts on love...
can you love someone without trusting them?
can you love God without trusting Him?
if i argue that i can love someone, like a child, but not trust them where does this lack of trust come from? well, it comes from a position of superiority--b/c i as the adult/parent knows better than the child. similar with a destructive habit in another person--i don’t trust them in that area b/c i know better. or perhaps they have hurt me and so i don't trust them b/c i know better--they may hurt me again.
so then it’s dangerous to say yes, i can love God without trusting Him. b/c following the above argument i would be saying i know better than God, which is impossible.
and then even when Jesus knew better, He often still trusted people (example of Judas), letting them hurt Him.
so moving to be more like Him i will love beyond trust for people, as well as love in trust Him...
can you love God without trusting Him?
if i argue that i can love someone, like a child, but not trust them where does this lack of trust come from? well, it comes from a position of superiority--b/c i as the adult/parent knows better than the child. similar with a destructive habit in another person--i don’t trust them in that area b/c i know better. or perhaps they have hurt me and so i don't trust them b/c i know better--they may hurt me again.
so then it’s dangerous to say yes, i can love God without trusting Him. b/c following the above argument i would be saying i know better than God, which is impossible.
and then even when Jesus knew better, He often still trusted people (example of Judas), letting them hurt Him.
so moving to be more like Him i will love beyond trust for people, as well as love in trust Him...
20 May 2009
20 May 2009
(today's entry from Praying God's Word... by Beth Moore)
Our heartbreaks really aren't anyone else's responsibility. They are Christ's. Remember, He came to bind up the brokenhearted.
Father, I am struggling. I feel that You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend. Lord, show me wonders in this place of darkness and reveal to me Your righteousness in this land of oblivion. Let them draw me to Your light (Ps. 88.12,18). Please come and rescue me. Be my closest companion and my dearest loved one.
Our heartbreaks really aren't anyone else's responsibility. They are Christ's. Remember, He came to bind up the brokenhearted.
Father, I am struggling. I feel that You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend. Lord, show me wonders in this place of darkness and reveal to me Your righteousness in this land of oblivion. Let them draw me to Your light (Ps. 88.12,18). Please come and rescue me. Be my closest companion and my dearest loved one.
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