flashback: August 2014 - Airports

Airports are enjoyable places for me. Places filled with beginnings and endings, goodbyes and reunions. Places that hold the promise of adventures and friends to come.
They are full of harried and hopeful people, people running to a new day or away from an old. They are the embodiment of wait in all its glorious sunny-sky, blue-carpeted, magnificent drudgery.
Small kiosk shops entice over-packed and cash-strapped travellers to indulge in one last gift or souvenir, a tangible testimony to the end of a memory. Distractions abound for the wanderer facing an uncertain future.
In fact, the essence of inability to control anything once you entrust yourself to the machinations of the system transforms me into a child, content to accept whatever the journey may bring. My seat is fixed. I cannot speed the plane, and should it be delayed and I miss something, another route will be offered.
Today I joined a group sending off a friend and ended up being the object of two toddlers' affections. I walked hand in hand, talked, jumped and thrilled at the airport with a Chinese one-year-old and an Egyptian two-year-old.
Together we lived a moment of joy overshadowed by farewell and though they sensed it and clung to me I believe my exuberance and love shielded them from the despair they cannot yet elucidate.
And for me, the love of strong-willed toddlers ministered to my heart in the deep places where I am wrapping my little fingers tightly around the Infinite loving Abba as I totter on uncertain ground to new experiences.
Joy can abound when the way forward is dark.

Ich weiss nicht wohin Gott mich führt, aber ich weiss, dass Er mich führt. 

kismet

what beautiful walls you have

intricately carved with trees

distracting and protecting

from the garden within

why is there no gate

in your walls of design

i catch perfumed flowers

and i long to see more

here’s a space repaired

a door once opened in

now you’ve bricked it over

what caused the closure

where once a pathway stood

did others wander freely

this barricaded route 

would you let me in i pray

i promise i won’t trample

but carefully enjoy

each lovely secret recess

don’t you know gardens

were made to be shared

bird on a wire

the air is tingling with familiarity
yet nothing is how i remember
perched on the cusp of a new day
like a million leaps before
but there's no lion's head here
i know a leap is not enough
no bridge is hiding invisible
instead all i see is space
the wide blue yonder
i'm a bird on a wire
this time i will soar free
sprouting faith is required
beyond anything before
i'm tempted to cling
this weak deceptive wire
when my heart reminds me
each time You provided
way after way after way
how can i stay in fear
when the future is forever
now i'm swaying in hope
You will fill my eagle wings
as i fall giving You my all

shadows on the wall

insubstantial yet beautiful
flickering in golden hues
a dying day's delight
crisp black outlines
blurred by sun's last rays
as if the day were enfolding
its arms to say adieu
beckoning to a substance
just echoed not entailed
it leads me on to glory
to what will come instead
until the sun stops shining
until the night reigns full
i'll yearn to hold the hope
that calls within my soul
don't settle for the shadows
believe a new dawn waits
though soft and so inviting
they but a doorway make
i will bow in expectation
until the morning comes
this faith will never fail
beyond the veil it breaks

some gypsy thoughts

do you know what it feels 

like to be delighted in? a 

gypsy’s life is one of never 

belonging. moving constantly, 

she stays but a breath in a 

place, investing in people but 

not seeing a return. she doubts 

that should the going get rough, 

should she show her true heart, 

she would be accepted. giving 

and giving, she finds that the 

people with whom the scales 

are tipped in her favour are few 

and far between (2 have already 

departed for Beulah). perhaps, 

you say, she doesn’t see the 

sacrifices loved ones have made 

on her behalf. perhaps, you say, 

the wounds of friends who’ve 

refused to love (that being the 

only unbearable thing) are 

distorting her reality. 

perhaps. 

this weary world with all its toil 

and trouble may take its toll of 

misery and strife. the gypsy 

finds as she grows through 

heartaches that she is graced 

with the freedom to choose 

bitterness or forgiveness. 

and forgiveness is the silver 

lining on the steps that are 

growing brighter every day. 

see, she knows this isn’t home. 

and she knows that heartaches 

are a part of exile. she can risk 

anew with each new sunrise 

and face because each breath 

is a chance to press deeper into 

the realisation that she could never 

out-give the Giver of all. 

He delights in her. 

and if His gaze is the only one that 

matters—as sweet as the gaze of 

a fellow pilgrim is—she can see 

herself as beauty and a delight.

some allusions: Bunyan, L'Engle, Stuart Hamblen, Ira Stanphill, Robin McKinley

unto me

the path is long and winding
through the ever-dimming light
as i press in hope and sorrow
wandering forward into night
my thoughts are thick and splintered
when i strive to answer them
do i choose a happy ending
or will mine be one more grim
walking forward treading water
i've an ever-spinning choice
and it echoes in my mind
til i listen to One Voice
You're the Master of this moment
You're the One who knows my care
and i bow before the knowledge
that without You i'm nowhere
back and forth is my weak faith
Your Word is the better way
so i lift up holy hands
be it unto me i pray

until then

write a word just a word
a short little word
that reminds you of this moment

let it linger inside
let the word never die
the reminder of this moment

you can change with a glance
just a step in the dance
and you mark a forever moment

though it has syllables few
whatever you do
no curse can destroy this moment

a word's just the start
the hope for your heart
when it's dark after this moment

hold it close in the night
lift it up to the Light
as you walk forth from this moment

you will hold close the word
a short little word
that reminds you of this moment