dis - courage

when the dust settles i pick them
up again those little pieces of a
shattered dream i thought was
indestructible but turned to sand
like the old song goes but less
sweet and more melancholic
because i think of all the effort
i put into not getting my hopes
up but that silly heart of mine
jumped like the fawn i saw once
break through into the clearing
with all four feet bouncing vertical
like some tigger deer with such
exuberance silly crazy heart to
think you know best when He
alone sees every variable and
all the outcomes that your tired
eyes can't begin to imagine so
while the wait seems long and
the pieces each time more difficult
to glue back together i brush a
tear that i can't hold back and
think of wind through the trees
faces lighting up as i help them see
the taste of good coffee and mango
the smile on a friend's face and
the way i feel when i sing to Him
let the dust and fire rage it can't
touch the hope He alone brings

advent 3.0

running screaming jumping yelling
all the world around me spinning
sinning praising sides divided
friends are pulling at extremes
bumps in roadways crazy drivers
stoplights brake lights check engine
gym reps treadmills muscles aching
all around are people pushing me but
i
am
still
walking slowly
through a netherland
in a fog alone i feel
with but not a part
this darkening season
is but obscure
the veil will be removed
and all
will
be well

sparkling

it's that time of year when the sun
decides that being awake is overrated
and he sleeps in and goes to bed early.
when the air seems to creep into your
bones and you shiver. and the time of year
when you start thinking about Life, about
Love, and all the things you lack. the darkness
draws closer and you shiver. then you see the
lights, twinkling, glittering, sparkling against
the dark. you can't see them shine in the daylight.
sure, they're there and maybe even on but it takes
night to reveal their glory. and it touches your
heart, reminds you of the beauty of this season.
spotlights don't work and bright lights dazzle and
blind. but in the darkness candles and Christmas
lights shine through with hope. because, after all
that's what really breaks through in this darkening
time. no matter how hopeless He came. One
glorious light that came humbly, twinkling in the
darkness. a solitary star unlike any other.

loud little lines

open heart surgery
said her scar
two melanomas
said mine
car accident
said his
barely escaped with my life
such delicate jagged lines
stories of pain
memories we’d rather forget
impossible reminders
no one warned me
how years later they twinge
as if touched by a new knife
how sleep suddenly flees
at ghostly terrors and pangs
fresh survival
it’s not when we get there
it’s how
it’s not how we get there
it’s if
if you must speak, whisper 

intent

the wind is running riot through the pines
colossal swaying giants
but i stand
the rain is tormenting the rhodys
helpless failing leaves
but i stand
somehow the stream of life flows on
loves, losses, and breaks
the taste of coffee at day's dawning
the unseen scars of words said
the wind in my face on a fall day
selah
His faithfulness unfathomable
my understanding so limited
on the cusp of tomorrow
still i stand
uncertain, unsure, longing for hope
what wreckage left by wind and rain
help my unbelief

don't rush past

shhh, she whispered
as she held him close
my love keeps the night at bay

shhh, she whispered
as she stroked his hair
don't worry come what may

shhh, she whispered
as she kissed his face
the morn never fails to come

shhh, she whispered
though a tear touched her cheek
your cup overflows with grace

shhh, she whispered
as his eyes slowly closed
rest well though you wander far

shhh, she whispered
as his head reached her lap
He knows your dreams yet unspoken

shhh, she whispered
as his breath crept away
there's your room in unending day

carousel

down by the river
that some can't pronounce
old painted horses
get ready to dance
someone's nostalgia
preserved their wood hearts
so kids can come ride
if their iPad is dead
around and around
with benches between
up and down
at a pace quite serene
for those who can pause
leave the merry-go-around
laugh like the child
they left far behind
its garish paint pairs
with music of tin town
and none can quite say
what that is about
who's twirling who
around and around
a break from the spin
on an old painted horse
getting ready to dance

burning

a red sun rises in a smoky sky
a dying world fallen prey
to consequence-free people
o my land what have they done?
my heart aches for your stately trees
once a sea of green far as sight
now embers and blackened trunks
the outcome of supreme thoughtlessness
i've lost my escape ring somewhere
there is no longer an exit from Jadis's world
toil and trouble, smoke and ash
i must find hope under this sickly sun
forgive even the worst of these
know in time i will find the door
leave forever this wounded life
come further up and further in

let go

i'm finding there's an echo
in the corner of my mind
just when i think i've caught it
it's nowhere i can find

although it resonates
as clear as any bell
my mouth can't form the letters
its meaning none can tell

i hear it in the heartbreak
of every dear old friend
and in each stranger's smile
with problems i can't mend

i'm learning how to listen
to what i can't explain
and find the grace i know
still flows through every vein

for every futile effort
to mend this broken life
is now a chance to see
the way to end all strife

i'm finding there's a hope
apart from you or me
the broken veins can't lie
there's truth to set us free

gardening

i swear i pulled that yesterday
its leaves now start to show
i didn't get the root
and stop it thus to grow

i swear i watered faithfully
that lovely little flower
so why is it all wilted
and dying more each hour

i swear i pruned that rhode
to keep it in its space
but now its little neighbour
can't see the sun's warm face

i swear the work just never ends
here in this growing garden
my back is sore my fingers ache
for whining i beg your pardon

i swear i'd rather let it go
and sit and watch tv
'cause is there anything to fear
from things i cannot see

i swear the years turn quickly
some three or four are past
the blackberries crept along
the house succumbed at last

FACT: Himalayan blackberry (invasive species in USA) can eat an entire house in 3 to 4 years.

"You were running well; who hindered you from obeying the truth? A little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough." Galatians 5.7,9

midsomer

i've been round the world
just a couple of times
seen heartache and beauty
even witnessed some crimes
my back has been pierced
by a trusted friend's blade
and try as i might
the memory's stayed
seventy times seven
so noble and grand
but hard to walk out
as if i had planned
when words burn like ice
in the hot sleepless night
i think of what's next
if i'm ready to fight
can my heart still believe
as i step on in grace
that love covers all
with a peace from His face
i know what it cost
my own sin and wrong
so i choose Him each stumble
in His strength i am strong

pensive

Achebe's title resonates in this
fallen world a herald of things
to come like the handle on the
third drawer down or the person
walking out of my life and I
wonder that any of it can
surprise me but inside the
caged bird still serenades
the blue yonder she will
never see and hopes for shadows
yet to come and I place a few
more treasures in the open
kerchief before knotting it
securely to the polished stick
another day another charade
helping lives torched by crises
keeping my peace until the
whistle sounds and my time
here ends though I know not
what dreams may come I sagely
see the hand dealt and trust
He knows each step of my
journey on and while goodbyes
never get easier I choose to
treasure what is good and
leave the rest where it lies 

when it's raining

i'm smelling woodsmoke
in the air
feeling drops upon my skin
a thousand piercing sensations
remind me of a place i once called home.
how did it come to this
when did i think i could
figure it out
make it work
be loved
the ache in my side
like rainy arthritic pain
but younger fresher throbbing
what's missing in the fall
verdant gardens barred

i'm seeing blurred faces
hearing the soft pitter-patter
on my windshield
the myriad of memories
burning home the truth.
when i found Him i could
lay my hopes on His
strong shoulders and know
rain comes and goes
His love endures all heartache
those buried dreams
missing in colder days
waiting behind a gate
i've yet to walk through
still ahead

so bring on the drops
i'm laughing precipitously
the day will come
when all is made clear

the scent of spring

awakening
it's a well-worn descriptor of the time of year
when the cherry blossoms abound and all
the world seems fresh and new and the
mountains tower up grand and sudden as
though the earth had burst open and thrust
their snowy peaks into being just yesterday
when in reality they hide always behind the
usual smoggy air except in spring when the
awakening
of their freshly anointed heights shines bright
and the world smells like life in all its dirty
growing with fresh earth and smoky leaves
the time when winter shakes off the darkness
and the sun runs north again and things seem
possible even though they were buried some
months ago it's coming now closer and with
expectation that dreams can come true as
awakening
His voice calls forth breath and drinking deep
the world begins to spin right side up
as smells, sights, sounds of hope come out
and gratitude wells up within that another
year is starting full of endless memories to
be made but most of all full of now when
He can be known and adored and all will
be well as the journey starts today with
awakening