A more noble way...

Koine Greek had four words for love: phileo (friendship), storge (affection), eros (romance), and agape (divine). Lately some thoughts have been knocking about in my head with regards to the amount of effort humans put in to preserving each love, as well as how long we stick with others in each category.

Take phileo, for instance. From the time we begin to take our first faltering steps those older than us teach us to share, to not hit or bite our friends. Most of us remember those tearful days when a friend hurt our feelings and how our mother told us to be nice and not throw away our friendship. It's generally agreed that you stick with your friends, even if they occasionally annoy you and even if some days you just don't feel like being their friend.

Or think about storge as well. Generally thought of as family affections or perhaps affection for pets, this love is like a comfortable old shirt. Even if it gets some holes, you don't throw it away. Most families stick with each other even after very deep wounds are dealt. You're family, after all. 

Agape is obviously thought of a self-sacrificing and naturally exhibits a long-suffering attribute. But there are still days when it is even difficult to love God who, we feel, allows such awful things to happen to us. We are nevertheless admonished and it is assumed that we will still push through and love Him and others with charitable actions.

Over the last months I have witnessed and thought on the exception Western culture allows to the one love, eros. While it is considered noble and right to persevere in the other three loves, somehow it is considered our right to abandon relationships forged with romantic love when the going gets tough. In my small current circle of acquaintances I have witnessed more than four divorces in this year alone. The underlying assumption--directly communicated to me by one person who had "fallen out of love"--is that if you don't "feel" it, it's not worth pursuing. Now, dating is of course different than marriage but one might argue that it sets a foundation. After all, by giving up we are saying that this is quite a weak love--the weakest of all in fact. Which is ironic as anyone who has ever been smitten will tell you. 

If we are not willing to work at a relationship based on eros--while we naturally stick with the other three--then how can we find a godly romantic relationship? I have long dreamt of the knight in shining armor and now I find that I'm a bit of the older wiser girl as the song goes. She fell in love and knew the cost and still chose to love in spite of loss. What would marriages look like if we applied a belief that eros was not based on whims but could be maintained, enflamed, and--through the ebbs and flows of emotion--even grow? 

Don't get me wrong, I've seen the committed yet cold and I would not wish it on anyone. I'm talking about something deeper. A paradigm shift that believes two committed people--committed to love!--can be the most beautiful picture of reconciliation. 

Yet, in the end it's not just eros that needs the shift. We need to be committed in all our loves to love beyond ourselves. We must examine ourselves: where are we giving up? Choosing not to ultimately trust that He knows best? Love is never wasted. 1 Corinthians 13 love is never a cause for regret. Unconditional. After all, that's how we long to be loved. That's how He loves us.
May you give and find second chances with those around you and may that be a glimpse of Emmanuel in this dying world.