monday

it's monday morning and i'm eating breakfast in
my cosy kitchen. the air's turned cooler and i'm
thankful for walls to keep out the chill.
6.30 my toast pops and you huddle in the bushes.
i first thought maybe you were waiting in position
but then i imagined you must have hidden until
the last minute.
6.41 and i'm reading utmost and thinking about my day.
if i hear the whistle it's only subconscious because
after all, trains go throughout the day and night. sometimes
i barely notice.
but you do. this train is special and you move quickly.
7.00 and i'm riding under the tracks at van ness and
wondering why the train is stopped on the tracks and the
4 sheriff cars are flashing beside the tracks. you know or rather
you did.
later i'm thinking what it takes to come to that end and
give up so completely that you rest your head on steel
and i read the story in the paper but it's different
when headlines become heart lines on the rails
and i am just blocks away.
i pray, let hope come to the hopeless and let it begin
in me.