whirligig

the not-yet-risen sun

illuminates wispy clouds

faint pink brushstrokes

hushed heralds of a new day

I wrap cold fingers around

warm familiar ceramic

breathe deeply the aroma

of memories and more

hope for new mercies

always there not always felt

thankful for small blessings

reminders I'm cared for

this too shall pass and I

shall be as tried gold

soft, bendable and beaming

I lift up my head

feel the stirring in my heart

though none go with me

still I will follow

through days of pain and toil

inviolable promises remain

so I spin today in joy

grateful for the eye of the storm

and the One who sees me through

just before the dawn

when did this begin?
i remember days of joy
the way you laugh and joke
thinking nothing matters too much
when did the love stop?
little things scream out angrily
we don't look the other way
pettiness becomes practical
when did i chose my safety?
trust is given and earned
being shut down one time too many
now i don't even try
when did you run away?
i would have stayed with you
fought alongside against the night
now you've just given up
when did the door slam?
it's locked as well
no trespassing and i lost the key
to your heart if i ever had it
when did the pain grow?
it would be so much easier
if i just didn't care
walking away into the dusk
when does it end?
hope that is seen isn't hope
love bears all things
joy comes in the morning

monday

it's monday morning and i'm eating breakfast in
my cosy kitchen. the air's turned cooler and i'm
thankful for walls to keep out the chill.
6.30 my toast pops and you huddle in the bushes.
i first thought maybe you were waiting in position
but then i imagined you must have hidden until
the last minute.
6.41 and i'm reading utmost and thinking about my day.
if i hear the whistle it's only subconscious because
after all, trains go throughout the day and night. sometimes
i barely notice.
but you do. this train is special and you move quickly.
7.00 and i'm riding under the tracks at van ness and
wondering why the train is stopped on the tracks and the
4 sheriff cars are flashing beside the tracks. you know or rather
you did.
later i'm thinking what it takes to come to that end and
give up so completely that you rest your head on steel
and i read the story in the paper but it's different
when headlines become heart lines on the rails
and i am just blocks away.
i pray, let hope come to the hopeless and let it begin
in me.