leaving

it's definitely your voice

reassuring timbre i know so well

but the words changed

or maybe my hearing

i used to think

you knew it all

could speak any language

right any wrong

but those shoes don't fit anymore

now the world is bigger

i miss the comfort

protection and safety

band-aids for my owies

your confident calm

but you don't have

all the answers

i have to grow up

rely on bigger shoulders

familiar with my weight

and hands with holes that hold

promise

i'm sitting in the sun

for now

but to the west

i see dark clouds

i thought june

a month of sun

of love and weddings

and hope

so what's this stuff

hitting my head

like persistent drops

of doubt?

is that a rainbow?

dichotomy

if what i want

i cannot have

and what i have

i do not want

then how do i

want what i have

and have no want

for what i don't?

the clown

is it written on my face

how i feel

when you are near?

can you hear it in my voice

do laughing words

betray my heart?

does it tremble in my skin

a casual touch

full of wonder?

do i play this charade well

or am i

an open book?

Götterdämmerung

i lift my face

soak in the sun

when a drop

interrupts

my reverie

suddenly

the heavens open

hail rains down

i dash for cover

moments later

colors arch above

dazzling my eyes

capricious weather divine

a glowing orb

is sinking fast

into the eastern sky

can this be the sun?

my world is upside down

one day i walked

down a dirt road

and found the sky

beneath my feet

this new world

is probably impossible

and i can’t remember

if there are any rules

does the spinning

occasionally stop?

i’ve been looking

to the west in hope

i find the rosy hue

was at my back

what happens next

could be wonderful

in remembrance

so many scars

from so much hate

I can trace them

with my finger

so many times

I've turned away

denied His name

I cringe inside

so many tears

He wept for me

while I just scorned

or walked away

so many words

gave life to me

a chance to turn

to serve again

so many ways

I can thank Him

give Him my all

He gave no less