a toast to finis

i'm standing tall and striding free
the wind in my face alive
as i feel my heart jump with hope
ahead lies forever, a blank slate
destiny as yet unwritten
behind i glance for a moment
i mean only a brief look
when beyond the towers of
a bridge aflame my gaze rests
on faces left behind
missed opportunities
the laughter of possibilities ended
though torn i cannot return
the beams are crashing
steam rises from quenched fires
as the river flows on
i must look forward
regret is the luxury of others
i give my tears to the river
and pray my new day is clear

spring fever

a moment here

the air is clear

and all around

a quiet sound

the green green grass

the people pass

a sky of blue

just me and you

pink blossoms fall

but you stand tall

what your eyes tell

it casts a spell

and draws me in

i cannot win

i want to run

escape the sun

the heat that burns

with lessons learned

what stopped the earth

and killed my mirth

is beating fast

in me at last

and should it end

with you my friend

then bury me

beneath this tree

my heart can’t bear

another tear

it’s you or I

must go and die

on this spring day

in lovely May

Money-less Manhattan

New York City. Tall buildings, crowded sidewalks, storefronts with designer clothes. Trendy little restaurants that can easily set you back a day’s wages. Cabbies, shows, museums galore. With so many options begging for your attention, is it possible to enjoy the city without going broke? 

I recently spent a few days in Manhattan and found that there are a few money-saving ways to enjoy the city and still see things without spending extra money. Sure, there is a lot you won’t see if you aren’t prepared to open your pocketbook, but you can still enjoy the big city and use these tips to save your pennies for what you really want to see. 

Shows: A visit to Manhattan isn’t complete without the experience of a on- or off-Broadway show. The most popular way of getting cheaper tickets is TKTS in Times Square, where you line up around 3pm to buy up to 50% off tickets for that night’s shows. Another way is to watch Groupon or Travelzoo ahead of time. They often have deals for certain shows offering 50% as well, and you can purchase the tickets and save the time of waiting in line. Some shows offer raffles but you have to get to their box office and put your name in when it opens, then come back for the drawing right before the show. The visitor center in Times Square can give you the rundown of all the shows and any special deals they have.

Getting around: Flying into JFK you can easily hop on the AirTrain and connect to the Subway for a minimal fee. Note that if you are planning to buy a $30 unlimited 7-day subway pass it will not apply to the $5 AirTrain fee. If you are only staying a couple days, do the math--the unlimited option may not be worth it. I highly recommend walking as much as possible. Wear some good shoes and you will find that a great feature of New York is the architecture and you will miss it all in the subway.

Plan ahead: If you schedule your visit so that you group sights in different neighborhoods you will save on travel time and get to see more. Look for the free museums such as MoMA on Friday nights. If you want to get really ambitious, find cheap restaurants in the areas you visit.

Utilize grocery: Manhattan has affordable groceries, believe it or not, including 3 Trader Joe’s which boast mostly the same prices as anywhere else in the US. Grab some bread and PB and pack lunches for your sightseeing days. 

Other tricks: If you’re really tight on funds, don’t go out for drinks. Or at the very least, make sure it’s happy hour. If you put the Statue of Liberty on your list (affordable at $18/$21 for the pedestal/crown) make sure you have your picnic lunch beforehand as they don’t allow food in the statue and make you pay and extra $2 to leave it in a locker. Make sure you don’t have a backpack because it won’t go inside either. Security is worse than an airport on the island!

Manhattan is a great place to visit. Other free sights include numerous parks in addition to Central Park such as the Highline Park on the West side of midtown. I enjoyed my first visit and felt like I didn’t need to rob a bank for it to be successful.

March

it's Monday, it's March
they're calling for thunderstorms
I can hear the lion growling
cars hurry down Burnside
in insulated unconcern
I must brave the roar
skip over the puddles
wishing for insulation
at least for my feet
wonder if a lamb will come
knowing the rain is needed
hoping for a sunbeam
it's always darkest before dawn
sometimes the light is long in coming
I press on, one foot at a time
until the clouds clear

dialogue practice: jury duty

"Shut up. You only think you know what that guy meant."
"Yeah? And you would know?"
"I tell you, my cousin did time upstate and those cops are paid to make stuff up, you know, to get the tough convictions. Gotta take it with some sense."
"Whatever. You two are wise guys. I reckon that lady's the key. She swore she done seen him outside that liquor store and..."
"Lady? You calling that piece of..."
"Whoa, whoa, hold on everybody. We need to take our time and think things through like the good, rational citizens we are."
"Remind me how he got to be the foreman."
"Harvard-educated."
"Oh yeah."
"I gots something to say."
"Hey everybody, quiet down. Granny wants to talk. Go on, then, Granny. Whatcha thinking?"
"Well, I been walkin' this here God's green earth for nigh on eighty years and I done heard a lot of stories. Mmmhmm. I heard lies and I heard truths and I don't know 'bout youalls but that one witness, that chinaman, he seemed to be talking straight. Why, he even had that picture on he whatchamacallit...oh yeah, smart phone. Ain't no way you can fake that technologies now is there."
"Well, I heard that sometimes..."
"Quiet, Danny. Them technological experts said it wasn't fake."
"Like Billy said, so'un if'n he was in midtown when he says he was at them Hamptons, well, that's what I call pretty suspicious. And I think you all can see the sense in that. Mmhmm."

hold me close
the night is long
stop my heart
from wandering

wrap my love
up safe and warm
til it stays
no more to roam

bind my fears
from speaking lies
speak truth loud
drown out their cries

lift my head
when I get weary
tell each word
of my sweet story

wake me with
the failing light
kiss me soft
and say goodnight

life in a vacuum

i enjoy crime tv dramas, you know, the ones where someone is murdered and the detectives have to track down the killer(s), preferably with some humour and perhaps a twist. interestingly the shows illuminate an aspect of life that everyone, i imagine, to some extent deals with: significance. does my life matter? 

the detectives unravel the strings that connect the individual not only to other people but to accomplishments, successes, failures, and crimes. some people throw themselves into pursuits in hopes that when the cord of life is abruptly cut, some noble (or ignoble) legacy will live on. then of course there are others who leave their marks on lives, hearts breaking or rejoicing. 

the one thing that is rarely said of the collection of cells now devoid of the spark we call life is that he/she lived in a vacuum, touched no one, is remembered by no one. even chance encounters lead to relationships that lead to memories that live on. 

really, when we ask ourselves, “does my life matter?” a large part is contained in the query of whether people will remember us. whether the ripple of my body falling into the pool of eternity will touch lives standing on the shore. 

which is then ironic how little we measure the current significance of our breathing steps in the lives of those around us. or at least we allow things, pursuits, differences to separate us from the very meter by which we will count ourselves full when the Authority comes around. and yet perhaps it’s right that we lose sight of the very thing that matters. after all, we cannot measure the immeasurable. i cannot say, now, truly if i am missed. if i am cared for. i can count friends, invest in lives but i cannot be consumed by my effect on them or i will be tragically altered to a place of irrelevancy in their eyes. just being is the currency by which i feed my meter and that requires a level of self-forgetfulness that is delicate. 

the moments i’ve been reminded that my life is not a vacuum are small in the grand scheme of things. 

a child running through a building alerting all who hear that i am visiting--i matter. 

a friend quoting my casual words years later--i matter. 

the smile of a friend seeing me after an absence--i matter. 

the genuine thanks from a co-worker as i help her learn--i matter.

i try to think of moments and realise my memory has betrayed me--dismissing significance without a thought. i know there are more but i cannot remember them. and with the betrayal comes the lie that i don’t matter, that my life weighs less than a feather and as such will make no ripples. 

the road winds on to the point where i am stopped at the truth i left out of the conversation until now: i do not determine significance. in my life, while it may feel so much so that how i affect those around me equates significance, in reality a deeper level remains: He determines my significance. He cares that i touch lives around me, bearing grace and thankfulness. He cares that whatever i do--pursuits, accomplishments--i do as unto Him. but He says i matter, no matter what. because He is, i am not a vacuum.