from the eye

in the midst of the storm
days come when you arrive
peace in the eye of the hurricane
the winds may be near
so close you could reach out
watch all you know blow away
but the small circle of sea
all around is calm
looking straight up into the blue
you can see forever
stagnancy is never an option
moments rest between
the roaring waves and you
yet joy bubbles up and over
you know the One who said
"be still"
be still
be still and wait
trust that He knows best
no matter how the seas tower
how the furies rage
He gives to His beloved
and I am His
blessings without measure
strength for the torment
grace for each day and hour

in the end
Jordan is waiting

liminality

that train sounding in the night
rushing speeding steady
going determined places
at indeterminate speeds
driven by gears and settings
conductors merely passengers
brakes in working order
or so one hopes
I've forgotten where the lever is
passing, passing, passing
cars and boxes and tanks
romantic hobo dreams forgotten
in the evanescent now
simply riding ever onward
sometimes quickly maybe slowly
the moments never ceasing
clicking rhythmically along
jumping tracks never my issue
finding stations there's the rub
that train keeps running forward
steady as the night
I know not where it's headed
but I'm carried for the journey

Reckless Forgiver

dawn came early with shrill cries
a raucous bird singing a new day in
and i am awake
thinking of this new song by Jars of Clay
pondering even as i want
to use the bird for target practice
how reckless forgiveness is
retribution is a sure thing
i deserve that
but forgiveness, His forgiveness,
that keeps coming again even
when i'm beating around the same bush
when i've stumbled for the millionth time
i fall at His feet and He's offering
that reckless forgiveness
that love that throws caution to the wind
embraces me like the prodigal
caresses me like a lover
and i, i have done nothing to deserve it
in fact the opposite often enough
and as the lyrics run through my head
i am thankful

why there isn't a pause button

perhaps i am the only one but i often find myself at moments when i would give some inordinate amount of money to have the ability to pause my life. you know, like in a scene from x-men when the professor freezes all the non-mutants while they have a chat about what to do now or while they simply escape--i've felt it both ways. sometimes it can be about freezing an amazing moment, making it last forever as the poets say. but often i simply want to take a moment to breathe, to think about where all my choices are taking me, to think about how i can do this right.
instead, every minute is the same sixty seconds and i have no choice but to live life forward. detached, that is a word that comes easily to mind when part of me rebels against this lack of time-outs (not due to a surplus of red cards, mind you). i came across a sentence that i wrote a bit ago and thought how picturesque it is to describe when you want the ride to stop but it's impossible (and how your emotions only complicate matters):
"Then, as I realized that this was indeed a storm brewing, as I saw--and still do--the clouds piling up over the crashing waves and my crazy little heart sailing merrily out to meet her fate, I cried out again [to Him]."
not only is the pause button conspicuously absent, but the fast-forward and rewind are nonexistent as well. there is only play. but play is intentional, and realizing on this speeding train that can seem to be only steered precariously by decisions and dreams that in fact Divine grace can be our Conductor if we give Him control and we can sit back and rest in the knowledge that His heart is good and His every thought toward us is love. 

The Oceans of Today

There's water all around
My island of today
Deep billows of the past
That always seem to stay

Ahead I see the breakers
Uncertain whitecaps loom
The rising waves of futures
Speak loud of bliss or doom

I cannot stay here long
My island's ever sinking
Its quickly passing sands
Keep me often thinking

Then above the sea I glimpse
One unswayed by past or future
He's walking calmly toward me
And suddenly all is sure

He knows the hidden steps
With Him I walk above
His word can part the waters
His every act is love

There's water all around
My island of today
But I've no need to worry
For my Lord knows the way

step between

have you ever noticed how much hangs
in the balance of anticipation and how
try as you might you cannot shake
the sinking feeling that you should know
what to do and how to feel and yet
in spite of all that you get lost in the
maybe, in the could be or what might
have been or did i really hear that or
am i still dreaming and is that an alarm
lurking beneath my subconscious
and now that i am face to face with
another face can i really see you or
have i made up my mind and lost
so much more than i could gain if
only i would give you just a little
a lot less in fact than He gave me
but a little nonetheless of grace
the space to be yourself and time
because after all it does heal quite
a bit though maybe not all since
some wounds require special
attention like what i am giving you
freely now should your heart open
as mine opens and we meet as we
are two souls before His throne.

hunkered down

even in California
there are long slow days
when the sun hides his face
choosing to rest behind clouds
give the dry earth a break
I pull my coat closer
unready for the weather change
not sure how I got here
under overcast skies
the sun will come again
especially in California
but the memory remains
the blustery shadows
those uncertain moments
dark without rain
the way hope can hide
like the light behind the grey

on the ridge

the silence is alive
fitful breezes tease the grass
fat grey squirrels plunder conifers
the dusty trail bakes in the midday heat
distant motors sound like a memory
forgotten noises from another world
sparrows dance in the blue
riotously enjoying the bright sun
butterflies flit lazily from bloom to bloom
and my heart drifts along

thoughts and prayers
dreams and fears together
another year past

this good, good friday

He showed the way
the pain feels like a field
an invisible barrier
something from a scifi movie
suffering is the price
loving is the motivation
tearing the thorns from
the hearts battered and down
inevitable opposition
merely following
that cross, that cruel cross
that cross so beautiful
He chose and so can i
letting the wounds this world
inflicts without mercy
be opportunities for grace
salvation carriers